Claptrap's Adventure!
by Hardman 5509
Summary: With only a little over two weeks left to live, Claptrap must traverse Pandora and find a way of stopping a mastermind who has captured not only the Vault Hunters, but all of the helpful NPCs! It's his time to shine...but regardless Pandora is screwed. Rated T for language, bloody fights, sexual content, and to prevent children from playing with Claptrap.
1. The Calling

The people of Sanctuary had no need for a mailman, seeing how small their flying city was and the utility of the ECHOnet. But Claptrap felt the need to be useful in some way, so he (As he believed to be referred to.) took upon himself to deliver the fine people their physical mail, regardless of weather (Seeing how Sanctuary tended to hang above the clouds, that wasn't a issue.) regardless of attacks by bandits or evil corporations (His cloaking device still worked, much to the surprise of about everyone.) and regardless of his own personal issues. (At this point, a Gunzerker with a Nukem and a Maggie couldn't keep him down for long.)

Having somehow gained a proper cap and satchel, Claptrap went about his usual route to deliver all the important mail to everyone in the city. First came the nameless NPCs, who got bits and pieces and various junk mail so they could complain about it as a main character passed by them. Avoiding a few stray pistol shots from the drunk and the sober hecklers, he made his way towards Scooter's Garage to drop off his new wrenches. Either for fixing cars, repairing the many and complex machines that kept Sanctuary afloat, or for building that wifedroid he had been muttering about for a while.

"One order of Hyerflux AO55 12 Count!" Claptrap announced as he threw the package into Scooter's lap, smashing against his manhood. Scooter fell out of his chair and onto the floor, launching the box of the heavy-duty tools into his face. As he lay there groaning in pain, he expected some stupid kid to come by and insult him for some reason. Not today though; Tommy didn't memorize his vocabulary sheet and was grounded.

Next came a cooler for one Doctor Zed, obviously stuffed with illegal organs. Claptrap wanted to take a peek inside and see if he could recognize the organ and who it belonged to…but a mailman's duty is to deliver and not ruin the surprise! A mailman is not allowed to open up packages and look at the contents, not even if it is a bomb! Unless it is a bomb and it's specifically made to blow you up, then the mailman can declare martial law as far as anyone cares. With a throw that would shame the great and the possibly late Dunks Watson, Claptrap got the cooler onto the operating table and actually earning a half-hearted thumbs-up from Zed. It looked Zed had opened up another Bandit's chest in order to figure out the grand mystery as to how they produced buzz saws out of nowhere.

Much later, his findings would conclude: They shit them out literally.

Next came a huge stack of paperwork to be given to Marcus. Claptrap overheard Marcus recently figured out a way to bring laser weapons to Pandora, so these papers must be the final touches in completing the deal of the century. Marcus groaned as he got handed the papers. As Claptrap left, he could the hiss of a steam machine starting up. Looks like Marcus still got use out of that old printing press. Either that, or Marcus found dumping it would cost too much. Oh, if only he would compare…buying ink would cost more than getting rid of the machine.

Down to Moxxi's to drop off a fruit basket. No tag on from anyone asking for her hand in marriage. Claptrap usually had to steal another satchel to store all the mail she got. Gifts like this tended to either get eaten, go spoilt, get stolen and ended up being sold by Crazy Earl. This one fruit basket seemingly went ignored…perhaps it had to with the fact that it wasn't a fruit basket, but rather a containment unit for the rare Pandora Bluebird Fruit, a fruit that said to bring good luck to those who either eat parts of it or smell the fragrant stench. Claptrap didn't know this, and gave his usual 'deliver of love' speech to the bored Moxxi before karting off. Moxxi at least hoped that the fruit would bring a end to these annoying messages…

…and the final delivery of the day. The Crimson Raiders fanmail. People wanted to express many, MANY things about the ragtag force that beat Hyperion. Appreciation from the people who were saved by Raiders, requests for support in areas they haven't gotten to, applications to join them, the many and twisted fantasies they had about key members of the Raiders, marriage invitations…still only took half of Claptrap's original satchel. Three raps to the door and in he went to drop off the bag.

"Good morning!" Claptrap gave a hearty introduction. Some members sighed in unison preventing Claptrap from signaling out the people in the crowd and the others just remained quiet. Claptrap went to work of reaching into sack like some sort of robotic Santa Claus and digging out a letter to address to each person to prolong the story and introduce the characters. "Lilith and Maya!" Claptrap chimed up. "You got a letter each from one James Wilson! He's asking for your hands in marriage going by the flowery stationary and the sweet smell of Honey Rose No.6!"

"Oh, sorry." Lilith walked over and snatched the letters out of Claptrap's hand to set it ablaze with her powers, sounding all so-sincere. "If it had been Honey Rose No.7, I would have accepted." Maya nodded in agreement, more interested in her book than the poorly-written letter.

"But Lilith, there has never a Honey Rose following No.6." Claptrap stated. "You see, the factory that made the perfume had been raided by Bandits…"

"Moving on." Lilith muttered with a tone that meant 'do or die, but you might die anyway.' Despite the subtle hint of burning death, Claptrap reached in and pulled out a square box. "To a Mr. Axton, no last name…whatever it is, it's heavy!" Claptrap promptly shook it to hear the sounds of cluttering metal pieces.

"Hey, careful there!" Axton grunted as he had to rescue his mail. "Those are my metal gears I need for my turret! Without them, my baby will be useless on the battlefield!" He held the box like one would protect a baby. "Claptrap, you should know better to mistreat mechanical parts. You need to know to use them."

"Sorry, sorry…" Claptrap profusely apologized before continuing his digging. This time he pulled out a small letter with only the basic details scrawled on. "It's for you Gaige!"

"Gimme, gimee!" The maniac mechromancer demanded as he snatched the letter out of Claptrap's vice grip. "I've been expecting this for too long…" She turned around and started to mutter something to herself. "…and none of you will NEVER read this. Try it and we'll play the mechromancer version of hangman, in which every time I catch one of you guys reading my stuff, I'll replace a limb with a mechanical one." The rest of the Crimson Raiders just ignored her and urged Claptrap with their hands and eyes to continue. "I mean it!" Gaige stressed.

"Next up…" Claptrap pulled out a parcel all tied up with string. "Hey, Brick, package from your mom!"

"YES!" Brick's gleeful cheer made everyone in the room jump up and some even let out surprise. Brick laughed out loud as he took the package and tore it apart to reveal a dogbowl. "It's Priscilla's old dogbowl!" He hugged the memento before going up to his room to place it on his shelf to gaze at every so often and reminisce about all the good times he had with his old dog…until Tiny Tina would snatch it and fill it with gasoline and would use it to coax Brick into letting her join the Slabs as their demoman 'just like in that video game you wouldn't let me play but I do it anyway!'

"Next one is for Mordecai!" Claptrap announced, holding up a small envelope. "Does the 32nd Annual Demeter Sharp Shooting Contest ring any bells?"

"Yeah, yeah." Mordecai got up from feeding Talon and took his envelope. "Another medal." He shrugged before tossing the package over his head and landing it perfectly into the waste bin without hitting the sides on the way in. "Don't need it…" He sighed as he went back to Talon. "…besides, they were terrible shots…"

"Okay…" Claptrap pulled out…a galvanized iron bar bent into a German pretzel. "Krieg?"

"CLASSIC ARTWORK FOR THE MIND AND THE STOMACH!" Krieg jumped down the stairs and snatched the 'art' before swinging on a overhanging bar and throwing himself outside to go and show people his new toy. No need to go any further; outside of one fact. Where did it come from, who made it, when did Krieg re-learn how to order items like a normal person, how did he pay for it when his accounts were frozen following a incident were he bought a entire colony of alpacas and they caused mass hysteria all across Sanctuary; eating food all over, chewing through electric appliances, kicking people over, and ruining the financial infrastructure by doing inside dealings.

"Salvador!" Claptrap piped up after everyone stopped to listen to Kreig's description of the iron pretzel. "Letter from momma!" Salvador made a sound like a junkyard dog giving a fair warning and took the letter for himself. Going into his little corner with a badass stride while flexing his muscles, he quickly zipped into the corner and carefully opened the letter with much glee to learn that his abuela was doing just fine. The second generation Vault Hunters wondered why he bothered hiding this after spending many hours in the wastelands going on about her and the first and 1.5 generation were thinking as to why he didn't just come out.

"Sorry Zer0." Claptrap closed the bag. "I got nothing for you. I was pretty sure I did…but I think it might have been stolen…"

"Oh do not worry,

My mail is perfectly fine,

I stole earlier."

Zer0 held up a postcard he got from an offworld client he helped out many years ago who somehow learned of Zer0's location. Claptrap shrugged and tossed the satchel onto the table so the group can go through their mail on their own time. "Welp, I'm off!" He waved bye, but nobody would wave back. "I got to go back to the office and sort my flamingos…"

Claptrap stopped short, not understanding why he said that. "I meant I got to go to the bathroom and swim in the cleaning kit fluid…no…" Claptrap's arm started to twirl around slowly. The Crimson Raiders took interest now. "What I'm trying to shotgun…no, pistol…SMG…tomahawk…erghagh…" Claptrap's arms started to twirl around even faster now, and his eye started to flash a bright blue. "…funny episode of Family Guy…absolutely not!" Claptrap groaned as his entire body started to shake. "Guys, do you ever feel like you're slowly loosing your mind and then you explode…"

With a loud hiss and bang, Claptrap's arms shot out and were firmly embedded into the ceiling and his chassis shot up from his wheel and crashed right behind him. The Crimson Raiders ducked behind furniture to avoid any other shrapnel coming from the completely defective Claptrap. While still alive, he was in need of serious repairs to both hardware and software.

In the weather, unusual black clouds started to move in toward Sanctuary. They didn't appear to be carrying rain going by how the land underneath the clouds weren't drenched in acidic liquid, but the clouds did bring a bad omen…


	2. We Can Try To Repair Him

"A3 connects to B3…"

"Yah sure? Maybe it's B3 that connects into A3…"

"Does it matter?"

"It sure does! You can't stick a turkey through a closed oven door!"

"I think I understand your hick metaphor. Let's just try it and see what happens…"

Scooter grunted as he shoved the B3 rod into A3 slot. A dull click meant that it fit and would stick in. Gaige did the same for the other arm. Moxxi staid by the sidelines to keep looking for any Claptrap blueprints on the EchoNet. The rest of the Crimson Raiders just waited by as the only mechanics tried to repair the last Claptrap in existence.

"I wonder what happened to all those repair kits we used?" Brick wondered out loud. "Pretty sure we can find one nearby…" He started to tap on his Echo device to start the quest. "Weird, I ain't finding the location on the map…and there's no quest to go find a repair kit…"

"That's because Jack had them all destroyed." Maya filled Brick in. "Following his rise to the CEO position, one of his first orders were to destroy all Claptrap and anything related to them. That includes the repair kits, the factories, the small-time businesses that offered Claptrap repairs, the bobbleheads, the car accessories, and even those delicious mints." Maya sighed. "The only Claptrap things that still exist are this poor guy and the junk art made out of dead Claptraps."

"Amazing how this one Claptrap survived everything…" Mordecai admitted, raising a hand to his chin.

"As annoying as this unit is, he has endured a lot." Athena started before listing off: "He has went through multiple bandit attacks, being reconfigured into the Interplanetary Ninja Assassin, being in the middle of a exploding tank, shot up again and forced back into becoming a regular Claptrap, kidnapped by Jack and reworked into the Fragtrap, survived a crash landing in space, shot out of a moonshot cannon, became a circuit breaker, suffered through the same things that all Vault Hunters went through on a daily basis, became infected with a brain-eating worm, nearly got destroyed by a singularity, being torn up by Jack and launched back to Pandora, returned to being the only Claptrap in existence while being stranded in a frozen wasteland with corpses of his fallen race for company, routinely tortured by bandits, had his eye torn out by a bullymong, electrocuted by a fence, blown up a cannon, nearly getting destroyed by Hyperion forces, causing another crash landing, nearly got torn apart by natives…I might be missing a few things, but I believe I've covered the major details."

"Where did you learn all that?" Lilith had to ask, still suspicious of the former assassin.

"I was present for most of the troubles this Claptrap went through, the rest I found by watching surveillance tapes or reading about them on EchoNet blogs…like yours." She pointed a finger and moved it around the room, pointing to each Vault Hunter around. "Gaige's blog is the more informative one I must admit. While possessing a unusual form of grammar and spelling that relies on numbers in place of letters, she does include the most details."

"Hey, it's what I do." Gaige shrugged as she shoved in Claptrap's arm.

"How's the scrapbag coming along?" Marcus came in with a huff. "I'm not interested in Claptrap's well-being, but I'm interested in using him to deliver packages to some…customers down east."

"Well…" Scooter wiped off a smudge of oil on his brow; or rather smudge it in even more. "Here I thought Claptraps were made out of junk. But no, these suckers need spe-ecific parts to run all their systems! Whoever thought this would work must be whacked-out on the drugs or something!"

"The designer was working on the personality problem when he died." Athena brought up. "And I remember finding a record about Jack having problems reworking Claptrap into Fragtrap. Those repair kits that the original generation Vault Hunters kept finding were just the only way to repair these walking junk piles."

"Oh." Brick blinked. "So, vending machine, fridge, nightstand?"

"What?" Everyone collectively asked, turning a raised eyebrow at Brick.

"For Claptrap once he's dead." Brick shrugged sheepishly. "Hey, waste not…"

"We can repair him!" Gaige shouted as she shoved some wires. "We're going to need a little help tho'. Hey, Zer0! Get me into contact with Doc Alpha, would ya?" The assassin nodded and tapped a few things on a nearby console. A few blips and beeps later and on the screen came a human male with short black hair, rectangle glasses and a rather annoyed look on his face. "Sorry for waking you up Doc, but I need you to look at this machine…"

"…of course." Alpha groaned. "You wake me up so I can help you repair a Claptrap." Alpha sighed and placed a hand over his face. "Well, at least I can add to my resume that I repaired the last Claptrap in existence." A few keyboard taps were heard over on his end and out from the console came a few wires that went into Claptrap and went work doing whatever wires that magically came out of a computer…magic science you could say. "Geez, that modem went out of style and usage years ago! I knew Claptraps were junk, but still…"

"Whose this guy?" Brick asked, wondering about the new guy that hadn't mentioned before until now.

"Only of the greatest minds of our century!" Gaige gasped, sounding all offended. "This guy can turn a pile of scrap metal into a killer robot! A heap of wires into a computer capable of outracing most modern-day comps! If he can't fix Claptrap…I'm pretty sure he can make Claptrap into something usable." She sighed as she tried to keep up with the magic wires working inside of the comatose Claptrap.

"I'm not that special." Alpha sighed. "Just a guy trapped in a high-tech lab armed with constantly-evolving technology."

"Pretty sure he's also a huge geek." Gaige added as she turned her head over to look at the monitor tracking Claptrap's 'vitals'. Whatever Alpha was doing with his wires started to bring Claptrap back to life. The bored-looking magician of mechanics suddenly seemed invested as he too looked over to a different monitor on his end. He grumbled something as he looked away from the operation and scooted his chair over to a few computers to type something in. Everyone went quiet as the tests continue to run, the only sound in the air were that of running machines.

But don't worry. All the silence got filled up soon. "Annddd…reboot! Man, I felt like a brick got jammed inside of my body and got removed by taking a pickaxe to it! Holy cow, did that HURT! Hey, how did I get here anyway? Did I get launched through out of cannon again and land into a wall? I don't recall signing any waver! Wait, unless I was used as ammo by bandits again…did bandits attack Sanctuary? Or was it Hyperion? Another company? Atlas' Revenge? Some sort of crossover with some serious series or a series that haven't had a entry in years? Is everyone okay? Did my house survive?"

"QUIET!" Alpha shouted, making everyone jump. "Look, welcome back to the world of the living." Alpha continued to type away at his computer before looking back to the view screen. "But while I was working on your repairs, I ran a few diagnoses on your systems. All of your parts are outdated, your modem is struggling to keep up…I pulled a few bypasses so you won't suddenly explode or shut-down again…but…" He sighed.

"Oh great." Claptrap sighed, or at least the robotic version of a sigh. He flipped himself off the table and rolled back and forth. "Give to me straight Doc. How terminal am I?"

"Let me show you." A few more types on a keyboard, and Claptrap's eye projected a red holographic screen showing a countdown. It started with three-hundred and sixty hours before ticking down the seconds. Everyone in the room looked at it for a good minute before Alpha pitched in with a rather damning explanation.

"Claptrap, within fifteen days, just a day over two weeks, your servos will lock up permanently. You will become irreparable. Effectively…you will die."


	3. Cloud Invaders

**CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 14:23:37:48**

Claptrap's first action after been giving his terminal status was to set up a digital watch that would tick with every second of his remaining life. Thankfully Sanctuary had plenty of those devices lying around in junk piles following a big market crash with ECHO devices telling perfect time all the time, and having alarms that went off at the right times. After synching his new watch with the death clock that Doc Alpha set up, Claptrap's second action was to write a bucket list. At least he had plenty of paper to write on; he had a lot of letters just sitting around waiting for the dead guys to get up and collect them.

His CPU overflowed with ideas. He would like to tackle a few raid bosses with some friends, and have a entire backpack of legendaries to call his 'collection' so he could be buried with them. Claptrap had bought a camera with his tips earned from his postman job (Or bribes for him to ignore his duties and skip over a few households) so maybe go on a hunt and take a few pictures of the kills? He would like to go and see his old friends on the moon, and perhaps relive the glory days of Fragtrap and the Lost Legion invasion with the people of Elpis who might remember him being a hero. Or instead of waiting to die, he could go out in a blaze of glory! See Tiny Tina, have her strap him up with the strongest and 'boomest' (Patent pending. Tina's attempt to hasten the procedure only slowed down so they could find a new official.) explosives, launch him with Brick's new catapult over into a major bandit camp, all the while the people of Sanctuary watch the fireworks.

But the only things on the list were: 'I'm going to die', 'Why must the good die so very young' and 'I'm going to become a garbage can or a nightstand. When Gaige came by to see him, Claptrap's list went from desperate pleas to a scribbly mess. She peered down to read the list. "You want to watch the entire Family Guy series? Ugh, man…"

"That's not what I wrote…" Claptrap grunted and scribbled it even further to hide the stupid idea. He threw his pen into the wall, joining the other four. Claptrap smacked the list onto his cardboard desk and turned to face Gaige and ask, "Hey…you've had plenty of near-death experiences right?"

"As a Vault Hunter, we call those moments 'Fight For Your Life'. But yeah, I got like…a jazbillion amount of those moments. What, you need examples or something?" Gaige giggled.

"Yeah!" Claptrap flailed his arms up and down. "What the hell do I do before I go off into the big motherboard in the sky, or something like that?"

Gaige sat down onto the ground, taking a second to consider her answer. "Because of how badass I am, I don't think about this all that much, but I would check off my current list of lists. That means shagging all the people I want, building a robot army to conquer my homeworld and remove the corrupt government to replace with my dad, give Deathtrap a powerful AI to support himself after I die, get married to that kick Axton in the butt for that comment he made about Tina…"

"I just Axton go to Scooters to ask something about Ellie." Claptrap pointed over to the garage. "Why not go ahead and do that?"

"Oh!" Gaige jumped up, with her hammer flying up and landing into the palm of her robotic hand. "No sense in putting this off!" But before she darted off to go after the commando, she turned towards Claptrap and sighed. "Honestly, dude? I'm going to miss you. Yeah, you're annoying and all, but your history is…sexy." She flashed a devious smile. "So I propose we throw a huge robo party and invite all the machines to have a swinging funeral party!" While this did perk Claptrap up a bit, Gaige went for the killing blow: "I'll spring for Sereena…" As she trailed off with a singy-song voice, Claptrap started to scribble on his stolen letter a bit harder. Gaige finally took her leave, proclaiming to give Axton quite the thrashing of blows to the butt.

Claptrap couldn't continue, so he slapped down the list and decided to go on a walk throughout Sanctuary. The place had changed so much since Jack's death and the news of upcoming war. While still having a lot of the previously mentioned junk piles and the smell of old beer hanging in the air, the people looked to be a lot more healthier and more energetic. The walls were at least clean of random gunk and rust and the buildings looked to be more stable. The place still floated on without any bumps (save for the few dumb bandits who try to invade and run into the forcefield…the flies were smart enough to go around) and there hadn't been a drop warning in over three months.

Claptrap walked into Moxxi's bar, his eye glued to the floor. Moxxi, always wiping down the counter, saw Claptrap all distressed out. Figuring there was no point in ignoring him, she reached over and pushed a sleeping drunk off his stool to give Claptrap to sit and spill whatever he had within him. "I heard from Scooter. You got any big plans before you pop?"

"That's my problem!" Claptrap groaned. "I don't know! Should I go on adventure throughout Pandora, live out a hedonistic lifestyle and die in a hail of gunfire, make amends with whatever enemies I have left, create a monument to my garbage pit existence of a life?" Moxxi shrugged, not only really wanting to throw in her two cents. "Hey, if you got the news that you were suddenly going to die…"

"Honey, I try to live each day like it's going to be my last." Moxxi sighed before going into her showbiz voice. "I like running bars and arenas! If I were given a note saying I have only two days left, I would give the best performance ever; I would serve up all my special stock at half-off, use the money to buy fireworks and throw one hell of a party within my arena." Moxxi coughed to stop herself before she went too far. "Of course, I would leave all my money and property to Scooter and Ellie…Scooter is good with money, and Ellie will have a blast running my bars and arenas…though it might be a literal case…" Moxxi scratched the back of her head. "What can I say? Some men have to find their own way."

"I guess I'll keep going…" Claptrap sighed. "Maybe…maybe…" He continued to repeat that word as he rolled off through the front door. Moxxi shrugged her head. But still feeling some shred of regret over causing Claptrap's slow death (After all, she did try to kill him using a black hole, that probably had something to do with it) and decided to pour herself a tall drink to calm her nerves…and quench her thirst, boy it was hot today!

She took out a bottle of Bang La Bang and tipped it over into a glass. But instead of hearing the soothing sound of fizzy liquid rushing into a glass, she heard…nothing. Moxxi opened her eyes to see the liquid hanging in midair and rising? Moxxi first thought that the anti-gravity generators keeping Sanctuary afloat must be acting up again. Just shrugging it off, she raised the glass up to catch the floating wine.

Moxxi then felt lighter. Her feet left the ground and she found herself floating up to the ceiling. "What the hell…" Moxxi slipped into her real accent for a brief moment right before the ceiling above her exploded. But the shrapnel didn't hit her at all, but seemingly bounced off around her. Moxxi continued to rise up through the hole and up into the giant black cloud over Sanctuary. As she looked above, she could something resembling a giant ship hidden in the cloud…

"Weather didn't report that…" Lilith muttered as she noticed the cloud. "I wonder…" She reached over to grab her old Volcano rifle, standing against a wall, and fired off a single round. The incendiary bullet traveled upwards and hit something in the cloud; Lilith could see the explosion. "Guys…" She turned to face Moredcai and Brick, just minding their own business. "…we have a problem."

But it was too late for any counter-measures. More beams shot down and enveloped more people. Lilith got caught first, and the Volcano fell out of her hands and clattered onto the ground. As she quickly raised up into the sky, Mordecai opened fire as Brick clumsily tried to use the tiny sniper rifle. But they were taken as well, and all their weapons were tossed aside to the ground…save for Brick's fists, that would kill him! More of the Vault Hunters came out of the Crimson Raiders HQ to try and fight off the unknown invaders…but they too were sucked up into the sky.

By now the people of Sanctuary were aware of the giant cloud abducting people left and right. People screamed and pointed at the cloud like they were extras in a kaiju movie. Screams of 'who's next?!' filled the air…but soon a pattern emerged. Only the Vault Hunters and their allies, the helpful NPCs, were being taken up into the cloud. Save for Claptrap, who hopped up onto a ledge to ponder his fate sullenly, with a hand clamped to his nonexistent forehead.

Athena was smart enough to not try and fight the unknown enemy. She staid out of sight and carried no weapons on her, thinking it was how the enemy was able to track the others. She looked for any other Vault Hunters or anyone capable of fighting (At the very least, somebody who didn't point the gun at their own face.) as she staid within the shadows and observing the cloud. Much to her constant annoyance, she saw only Claptrap was left. Taking this as any port within a storm of abduction, she called out to him: "Claptrap! I'm going to need…your help."

"What's the point?" Claptrap moaned. "These aliens are going to end up killing by accident when they realize we need air to breathe, so why delay it?"

"Claptrap, for real now…" Athena grunted and stepped right out of cover, getting her caught within a instant beam. "Help?" Athena asked. Claptrap responded by jumping off the ledge and retracted his arms and wheel inside of him like a turtle.

A second beam shot down, but for Claptrap. Instead of capturing someone, it delivered someone down. At first, it looked to be a woman only a few years older than Gaige, dressed in a colorful blue and green proper military uniform. Hair as bright and red as Lilith's, but cleaner looking and longer. Her only weapon seemed to be a old pistol in a holster on her left. As she exited her beam, she skated her boats across the ground before approaching the pacified Athena. The woman spoke. "Athena? Atlas Assassin, Gladiator, and Savior of Elpis?" Athena went still and quiet, not wanting to give this woman anything. The woman responded by drawing out her pistol and firing off one shot into Athena's leg. Without a shield active, the bullet was free to tear a nasty red hole in Atehna. Even with her intense training, it hurt like hell and Athena cried out loud. "I'll ask again. Are you Athena, the Atlas Assassin that put the final nail in the coffin of your company, a Gladiator who worked for a Hyperion programmer named Jack and helped him become Handsome Jack, and you saved Elpis from destruction by Dahl's Lost Legion?" The woman asked, slightly more forceful.

"…yes." Athena grunted. "Who are you?"

"My name is Lillian." The woman yawned before continuing with: "Not as flowery as Athena or Lilith…but still…it's a good name." Lillian shrugged. "I apologize. Unless I'm giving orders, asking questions, or torturing people, I'm not a good talker." She looked away from Athena. "Is 'good talker' even something smart to say…" Lillian asked herself with a mutter. She turned back to Athena with a serious look. "I'm taking you prisoner in advance to prevent you and your friends from interfering with my plans. You will be held in separate cells that are designed to block or inhibit your abilities. There will be a four man 24/7 watch on every single cell to insure you stay in that cell."

"Highly pragmatic of you." Athena sighed, the pain subsiding. "But you could kill us instead of explaining…"

Athena got cut off by Lillian laughing. "And have you revive at a New U station? No! I want to keep you under my watch and away from any weapon. I'm cutting off the Hydra's heads and cauterizing the stumps is what I'm doing." She tapped Athena on the stomach and up the gladiator went into the cloud. Claptrap still remained in his turtle-like position. Lillian walked over, waited a few seconds, and gently shoved Claptrap over. This got the bot to leave his shell and face the new villain. "Claptrap? Also known as the Fyrestone Claptrap, the Interplanetary Ninja Assassin Claptrap, and Fragtrap?"

Having overheard what happened to Athena, Claptrap immediately responded with a "Yes." Lillian took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "The only reason I'm not taking you with me is simple. You can't fight back nor can you fight at all." She shrugged again. Seemed to be her tic. "Plus, I hacked into your computers and noticed you have only a few days left alive. You aren't going to cause me any amount of trouble in that short amount of time." Claptrap attempted to swing his arm forward to punch the lady right in her crotch area, but his arm went limp and fell to his sides. "Lovely. Rule one." Lillian muttered before shoving the Claptrap back onto the ground. "So please. Do yourself a favor and just forget about what happened. Enjoy what's left of your life…" She tapped something on her wrist and the beam returned to pick her up. "…because it's notgoingto…" She cleared her throat and started over. "…because you're going to die." Lillian sighed as she started to rise into the air. "…great words there. Real great."

She vanished into the cloud like the Vault Hunters and their allies, and the cloud started to move away from Sanctuary. Claptrap could only watch on the ground below. As soon as he gained the courage to move, he raced back to Crimson Raiders HQ and up the stairs. "Come in Doc Alpha!" Claptrap begged as he looked through the call log and dialed in his number. "Come in Doc Alpha!"

"What now?" Alpha groaned as he turned on his monitor. "I went to sleep…" He rubbed his eyes and shoved his glasses onto his face. "Claptrap? Look, I can't save you man. I'm sorry, but I can't…"

"TheVaultHunterswereabuctedbyaladynamedLillianandhergiantblackcloud!" Claptrap wheezed out. "You got to call someone!"

"Uh-huh…" Alpha blinked a few times as he ran the first sentence through his head and deciphered it. Once he did, he turned around and typed away on a computer, doing a quick search on the ECHONet. "Okay. Blogposts, pictures, selfies…really now…articles…you're telling the truth." Alpha's complexion went from drowsiness to worriment. "The person behind is named Lillian? Any last name or distinguishable marks?"

"Long red hair, military uniform…"

"This her?" Alpha asked, showing a monitor with a giant picture of a lady.

"Yeah!" Claptrap bounced.

"Name is indeed Lillian…last name Jones…" Alpha started to read off a list. "Former captain of a Maliwan unit…honorably discharged? That's rare!" He laughed at that subversion of a cliché before continuing. "Owns 15% of the company, operates a small army in the Abschluss Abyss that hunts bandits and keeps peace in that part of Pandora…nothing here really useful or incriminating." A seven note music blip played and a new picture appeared on the screen, showing Lillian with a blank face holding up the peace sign in front of a restrained Lilith and Maya. "Oh." Alpha got out. "Her blog just updated. The tag reads: 'Caught myself two rare creatures. Score!' Well…"

"I need to do something!" Claptrap shrieked. "WhatcanIdowhatcanIdo..."

"Nothing man." Alpha coughed out. "I'll make a few calls and get some help from a bigger fish…maybe Torque could pull a few strings…perhaps Jakobs can lend a hand…"

"Could you turn me back into Fragtrap?"

"Easy!" Alpha pursed his lips and blew. "Rebuild the programs using ghost data and the thing necessary for combat, steal a proper size tire from Scooter's that you could use to climb stairs, remove your limitations on attacking humans, supply you with guns…" Alpha then fell out of his chair, taking various objects with him along the way. He remained there before jumping back up yelling: "OH YEAH, I'M GOING TO SEND OUT A DYING MACHINE TO FIGHT A ENTIRE ARMY!"

"I fought a entire army before!" Claptrap proclaimed. "Sure, I had five other friends helping me, but I still held my own! If I take all of the legendary weapons in Sanctuary, I could at least make my way into their base and free the Vault Hunters so they can finish the job!"

"You only have two weeks to live!" Alpha growled as he started to do another search. "Look, the Abschluss Abyss is on a different continent than where Sanctuary is, and Lillian was smart enough to disable the Quick Travel station there, and I can't reactive it without physically going down to location and hooking everything back up…and I'm still trapped in my lab!" Alpha threw his hands up in the air out of disbelief. "Even if you did catch the first boat or plane to that place, you will have to fight through the hundreds….no, THOUSANDS of monsters, bandits, and all of Lillian's army at all! Possibly millions!"

"How's that any different to me fighting scavs, kraggons, the Lost Legion, and Guardians?" Claptrap debated, getting more and more irritating. "Get the magic touch going, I'll go find a tire to become my new stair-climbing wheel!"

"Don't waste your time!" Alpha protested. "Honestly! Take what time you have left and just enjoy it! I'll summon reinforcements…" One of his other screens started to flash. "Oh great. Off-world communications has been disabled." He admitted with a blank tone, turning back to Claptrap with a defeated look. "Go get the damn wheel."

"Yay!" Claptrap squeed before rolling off at max speed to go and find the wheel of his dreams. "I know what I want to do with the rest of my life! I'll save the Vault Hunters and Pandora! I'll finally be the hero I always imagined I am!" Alpha groaned as he could hear Claptrap echo in both of his ears. He did originally think he would just execute a code that would knock out Claptrap and open up the memory banks so they could be rewritten to make Claptrap forget, but at this point?

Claptrap was the only thing standing in Lillian's way. Might as well chance it, there was nothing here to lose. Well, save for the world.


	4. Prison Conference

The first thing she felt upon waking up was how cold and alien the floor felt.

Lilith attempted to get up on her feet, but her hands were bound together. Failing that, she tried to call upon her Siren powers to Phasewalk through her bonds, but her powers failed to come forth. She rolled to face the ceiling. Bad mistake. Big bright lights burned into her eyes. She closed her eyes and rolled back to face the floor. Once safe from the intense light, she simply leaned her head up to look around. Grey and white metal room with padded walls, no doors, no windows, no other pieces of furniture. Akin to a cell in a insane asylum.

Admittedly, living on Pandora and dealing with actual insane people have made Lilith a bit insane. But she didn't belong here!

As she scooted against a wall to get somewhat comfortable, a long hissing noise came from the far wall. A section of a wall lifted up and there stood a tall and helmeted grunt in military garb. Didn't seem to appear to like any of the grunts she slaughtered before; not Atlas, not Dahl, not Hyperion…the uniform had this weird slanted rectangles thing going on, sort reminded Lilith of a Maliwan weapon, but the colors were far darker. No orange whatsoever. Just white and dark blue. He did carry a mean-looking Jakobs rifle. No shield meant that weapon would either kill her or quickly remove a limb…and she would die via bleeding out like a ruptured fountain. The grunt walked over and stuck a key into the cuffs. But she didn't have time to rub her wrists, as the guard ordered: "Get up and listen to my instructions."

Being the guy with the gun that could take out a Badass Psycho in one shot, Lilith followed his orders.

The hallways were far more colorful than the cell. The entire area seemed to be glowing in a light blue light, but Lilith couldn't tell if the light emitted from the area around this prison or the prison itself. She was marched into a room resembling a clean doctor's officer…come to think of it, when was the last time Lilith stepped into a office this clean? The guard pushed her into a seat. "Stay here." He barked before ringing a bell on the wall. Lilith kicked her legs back and forth, waiting for the doc to come by.

"Lukas!" Came a shrill male voice with a slight western twang from behind a wall. "Thank you for bringing the Siren to me. Been wanting to poke one since I took this job." Another section of the wall opened up and out walked a middle-aged, average-height, half-bald man wearing half of a proper doctor's outfit: a white coat and a scrubs for the top half, and baggy cargo shorts with flip-flops. Odd this guy keeps everything but himself clean. He adjusted his half-crooked glasses multiple times as he peered over Lilith. She would very VERY much like to bitch-slap this sucker into dust, but it would take more than that to deal with Lukas there.

"A true Siren!" The doctor declared. "Oh, where are my manners?" He stuck out his tongue. "I am Doctor Genomsnitt. I'm the doctor to Ms. Jones' operations here in the Abyss…" He stopped himself mid-sentence. He went over to the nearby wall (not the one that been raised) and banged his head against it once. After shaking off the cobwebs from his forced trauma he started again. "I am Doctor Genomsnitt. I'm the doctor for Mrs. Jones." He went over to a hanging clipboard and removed it.

Lilith did manage to fill in the details. There was only one place named Abyss that made sense: the Abschluss Abyss. Some sort of massive canyon deep down south, real south. But the weird thing is, and this is all according to a rumor she heard off a young adult girl who acted and sounded like a teenager, the Abyss was in the middle of a ice cap but the entire area had temperatures up to triple digits. Sounded a lot like Hero's Pass; possibly the Abyss existed over a volcano/magna vein? She didn't feel hot…

"I see that the suppression implant is working at a efficient 97%." Genomsnitt hummed. "Got to boost that." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small device that resembled a top-of-the-line gaming device. A short tap, a wait, and then a few short more taps and then Lilith got shocked by something. Nothing like what she endured during her Vault Hunting days, but still enough to make her jump. "Okay, she's cleared." Genomsnitt sighed as he put his device back into pocket. "I would so much like to experiment on a Siren and find what really makes them tick…"

"You'll get a chance one day." Lukas said as he got up and got right up into Lilith's personal space. "We got another Siren on the base, someone a bit more powerful than this one." Genomsnitt let out a happy squeal at the thought. This got Lilith to immediately consider a escape plan. No time to wait around, they need to leave as soon as possible. Brute force their way out of here, work out how to get back home. Do the usual thing!

Lukas strong-armed her down another hallway towards another unknown destination. The hallways she went down offered no significant detail to make them distinct in anyway. Lilith wondered how the people that worked and lived here got around without getting lost every five seconds. Lukas' helmet had a small antenna on it. Maybe the soldiers' helmets had a map display. That would be useful in the escape. Lukas pushed her through the door second on the right in one hallway. This lead into a room with a table, chair, a flat bed and a clean pillow, a small room for a toilet and the most valuable thing the room had to offer was a wide-screen TV.

But the only channel available? Evil Lady TV.

"Lilith, Siren, Firehawk?" Asked a red-haired lady. Lilith opted to be silent, and hold back from making insults or a dry quip. She got in return another shock from inside her body, this time with more volts. Lilith could actually feel her toes going numb. "Are you Lilith, the Siren to open the Destroyer's vault, and the bandit known as the Firehawk?" The woman asked again.

"Y-yeah." Lilith grunted. "And who are you?"

"I am Lilian Jones." Lilian cleared her throat. "Ex-captain of the Maliwan unit the Tempore Autem. We dealt with the large-scaled threats, such as a Siren that one time on Eos." Lilith glared at the screen now with fury. She had heard about a Siren being murdered on Eos a few years back, the true story being that the Siren had been captured and brainwashed into becoming a super-soldier for some small-time army. She escaped, went on a mindless rampage thanks to the cocktail of serums in her system, and got shot down in the middle of a public place. Knowing how corporations worked, they probably reported the Siren to be a cold-blooded murderer and photoshoped in some bodies and debris to make the rampage be more violent and make people's hearts wrench and feel angry towards the Siren.

Lilian cleared her throat to get back Lilith's attention. "I have taken you and your allies for a certain reason. My plans require to do a significant amount of damage to the planet…which might result in massive fragmentation of the land, and possible destruction." The screen flickered and instead of a stoic lady speaking, it showed a gigantic drill that stood ten miles tall and spread out about twenty-five wide. Was Lilith inside the drill? "This drill, a Lidenbrock Model S, with our improvements, will drill through the multiple layers of Pandora searching for a…"

"A Vault." Lilith filled in with a long sigh. "This is becoming a cat stuck up in a tree thing here."

"Well, it's a good thing, or a valuable thing…" Lillian trailed off a second, having stumbled over her words. "Back on track. This Vault is said to be a cache of powerful weapons that the ancient Eridians built to fight some great war. According to legend, they feared the power of these weapons and locked them into a Vault deep underneath Pandora's surface. They didn't mention how deep the Vault is, so we are going to have to go as deep as possible."

"What's the end goal here?" Lilith asked. "Going to take over the world or some unoriginal crap like that?"

"My ideal plan is to take those weapons and end the needless corporation wars once and for all." Lilith honestly stared at Lillian. "Yes, I have grown tired of the endless and often meaningless wars…I have lost count of the friends and innocent lives lost for a small increase of profits. You have removed Atlas from the Pandora system, but they are still active in other systems. Hyperion is still active here though…despite what they have done to you." A slight smile appeared on Lillian's face. "Hyperion forced you to fake your death and go into hiding, killed a friend's pet, made you a slave, and killed your boyfriend, and you punish them by killing their CEO. Atlas beat you to a Vault and you kick them out. Seems right."

Lilith let her fist fly right into screen. The only crack that occurred was the one in her Lilith's knuckles. Lillian continued regardless. "Me and my men shall dispose of all the corporations. We shall kill everyone and destroy everything involved with the corporations: Hyperion, Atlas, Dahl, Maliwan, Jakobs, Torque, S&amp;S Munitions, Tediore, Vladof, Bandit, Anshin, Pangolin…they will be forgotten when it's our time." Lillian looked off to the side. "This means I will have to find a way to permanently kill…Marcus, Patricia, Axton, Athena, Krieg, Aurelia and that doppelganger Jack had running around Elpis. They are the only ones who were directly involved with a corporation in the past, and in order to pick forth a better future where lives are more important than money, all traces of the gun runners must be removed." Lillian paused for a moment before adding, "Please don't strike the monitors. They aren't designed to be punching bags."

"Why?" Lilith asked, grimacing as she held her possibly-broken hand. "Why do you want to do this? You are going to kill billions…possibly trillions with this plan. I know the gun manufacturers have done horrible things, but there are some good people in them. Can you justify killing those good people?"

"I can-an..." Lillian stuttered. "…it's worth it. Trust me. I know what I'm doing." The screen shut down, leaving Lilith alone in a cold jail cell with only a broken hand. Her mind swam with plans on how to get the hell out of here. At this point, it would be smarter to get just herself or some people out and come back. Lillian had the power and resources to commit to her plans, and she would only bring massive destruction to Pandora.

For now, Lilith cradled her hand and sat down in bed. Might as well get some sleep. She wasn't getting anywhere and acting like a aggressive dick would only stack on more problems. Wait a bit, try to make a few new friends that work here, figure how to get the device out of her…and oh, kill Lillian.


	5. Before You Can Roll, You Must Clmb

**CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 14:20:24:48**

It took three hours, three tires, a hundred wires poking in and out of Claptrap's systems, seven cans of sodas on Alpha's end, and finally a new table after Alpha accidently collapsed it, but at long last; out rolled from the Crimson Raider's HQ front door came a terrifying machine of four feet armed to the servos with guns, ammo, grenades, and a powerful shield.

Fragtrap had been reborn.

"Hot damn!" Claptrap cheered as he twirled around a Maggie and a Harold. "I'm back in business baby! Claptrap the Fragtrap is here to kick all asses big and small!"

"Sweet." Alpha sighed over the ECHO. "But those asses aren't getting kicked if you're standing around."

"Onwards!" Claptrap hollered as he raced off fullspeed towards the Quick-Travel station. The scared citizens of Sanctuary had finally left their homes by now and were asking each other what went down. The Crimson Raiders were cleaning up the mess left behind by the cloud invaders and calming the citizens from panicking. But when the masses saw the short machine wielding two legendary guns, their reaction was a mixture of confusion, mockery, half-hearted cheers and shrugs. With the pleasant thought that the Crimson Raiders would handle things while he was off saving the Vault Hunters. He strolled into Pierce Station and accessed the Quick Travel Tower…

"Wait, where do I go?" Claptrap asked. The sound of someone slapping his forehead with a ruler came over the ECHO.

"All right…" Alpha fumed. "Despite all the awesome things I've done to you, you still won't be able to handle much on your own. Your equipment will carry you somewhere, but you're still going to need some help. I'm going to look up if there's anyone who hasn't been captured and can fight…" Claptrap decided to go to Thousand Horns for now and get back into the swing of things by shooting bandits. Brick wouldn't mind, his Slabs were assholes after all.

"Well, Nisha and Wilhem are deader than dead…" Alpha remarked as Claptrap fumbled over his shotgun, trying to jam in the shells to reload it while a psycho jumped on top on the machine. "…Can't find that other Jack, he sure did vanish after Elpis…" Claptrap nodded (Well, nodded as best as his box-body could) as he pistol-whipped a midget in the face. "…Lady Aurelia was last seen in Candlerakk's Crag farming Voracidous, apparently looking for a Hawk Eye rifle according to her well-written blog…" Claptrap grunted as he waited behind a rock for a Badass Marauder to stop firing a almost-seemingly stream of scorching hot bullets. "…hmm…so I can't find a old Vault Hunter. Guess I'll go looking for some super powerful individual…"

"Huzzah!" A very battered and ammo-depleted Claptrap announced. "I found a blue." He held up a low-leveled weapon with a blue tag, but with far less favorable stats of his current weaponry.

"Why are you bad at this?" Alpha sighed. "You should be mowing these suckers down with a single pull of a trigger. These guys are a lot of levels lower than you…"

"It's probably a combination of jetlag, old age, and it's been a long time since I used a gun." Claptrap assumed as he tossed the weapon over behind him and off into the deep valley below.

"Claptrap." Alpha blankly stated. "You're a machine. I just hotwired you to use guns again; you should be performing the same way you did on Elpis!"

"Well, my memory is more shot-up than a target after a Gunzerker armed with two legendary Jakobs shotguns…" Claptrap trailed off as he noticed a unusually red-colored butterfly flitter past his single eye. "Oooh!" Claptrap rolled forward to follow the butterfly through the rocky cliffs and off one such one to continue following the butterfly. "Ah, I lost it!" Claptrap moaned as he reappeared at a New-U station. "I think it might have been a Strawberry Flapper…"

"Actually a Crimson Killer…" Alpha politely corrected before once more bellowing into a rant, "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW THAT LETTING YOU RUN ABOUT WAS THE STUPDIEST IDEA I EVER HAD, AND I TRIED TO CREATE A MACHINE THAT TURNS CHEESE INTO WHATEVER YOU WANTED IT TO BE!"

"That sounds awesome!" Claptrap ignored the insult in favor of appreciation of something the man just described of something equal to the insult.

"It would have been awesome if the damn thing didn't instead create moldy cheese and the item I wished to make turned into some bizarre piece of so-called modern art." Alpha groaned. A few noises sounding like flesh meeting flabbier flesh with a fresh smack before Alpha continued with a direct tone. "So it looks like you need some serious help. I found one such person, hiding out in the old fort in the Tremble Tumble Mountain. I'm linking the Fast Travel system to send you there, but it's going to be a long walk up. And you might have to deal with a few traps and monsters up there, but I think you can make it…" Alpha stopped and accessed Claptrap's eye to get a first person view. "No, no, not off the cliff!"

"But the Crimson Killer…!"

"No, get back to the Fast Travel. And go to the Mountain Outpost, that's the closest Fast Travel in the area near the person that might be able to help us. And please…let me do the talking."

"What's this person like?" Claptrap asked as he nonchalantly turned around and left a grenade for a wounded Badass Psycho to suck on as he motored back to the Fast Travel Station. A loud boom and a satisfying

"Got no name nor even a online presence outside of sightings. Just some random scrawny figure in a ratty cloak going about and shooting people in the face. Wears a huge gas mask and takes whatever money…it finds. No idea of gender." Alpha read off what he could find. "Again, let me do the talking. We don't want to piss off this person, and we don't want to kill this person as well!"

"Okay." Claptrap cheered as he once more accessed the Fast Travel Station and selected the place mentioned before. A flash of blue and white and he found himself staring out to a view of a long and dry desert at seven thousand feet. Claptrap screamed out loud and jumped back, only for him to lean over a second drop on the small platform where the Fast Travel Station had been placed. At least he didn't go over the ledge like in Thousand Cuts and Claptrap quickly raced back onto safe ground and onto the only path up the mountain. "Could have warned me about that!"

"But I thought you liked going over cliffs." Alpha sneered with a hoarse chuckle.

Claptrap went silent as he went the path upwards towards the fort built within and carved out of the mountain side. Originally built for a Jakobs outpost, a rash of nasty Rock Rakks swarmed all around the base and made living nigh impossible even for the most seasoned veteran. With the Rakks quickly became the least troublesome monster living in the mountain area, the place had become a no man's land in a entire world made up of those places.

But as Claptrap discovered as he rounded up the first bend of the mountain road, the place had become quiet. Bloody quiet. Several sharp logs (Where did those come from?) strewn about the area had the mangled corpses of the fear-bearing monsters pieced upon them, creating a tunnel that carried a simple message…"Leave or die." But Claptrap slowly wheeled through the path, trying not to think of the person who took the time to kill and set up this little museum of gruesome taxidermy. Even Alpha didn't remark about anything, not wanting to speak out loud and put Claptrap into danger.

He didn't need to; the person who now lived in the fort above had placed a camera near the Fast Travel Station in case some fool decided to come after her. She didn't have the knowledge nor the strong firepower to remove the station, and she wanted the practice anyway. Calmly laying the rifle down on the rocky balcony of the vantage point, she positioned herself on one knee and looked down the scope. A slight groan vibrated out of her throat as she noticed the intruder in her view. One squeeze of the trigger, and a sharp bullet flew through the empty air and slammed into the ground in front of the Claptrap unit.

But instead of running back like a coward he was, Claptrap decided to roll ahead anyway. If he had teeth, they would be chattering like mad. But as his sniper fired off multiple shots in a single foot area around Claptrap as he moved, something overwhelming flowed all throughout Claptrap and kept him from running away. To a machine, something 'overflowing' would destroy it, but this was more figuratively than literally. Claptrap hid behind a large rock for cover. The sniper grabbed a second rifle as opposed to reloading and giving her target a chance to get any additional ground.

He didn't know it just yet, but Claptrap had become the last hope for all of Pandora. Claptrap just assumed that once the Vault Hunters were taken, but in reality he become just that. Bravery fueled him to keep going and not fall back to Sanctuary. Tightly gripping his gun with one hand, he pulled out a grenade and tossed it around the rock. The sniper quickly sent a single bullet into the projectile, detonating it in the air. The billowing cloud of smoke gave Claptrap a chance to quickly advance around the rock and further up the mountain.

But not being that stupid, the sniper switched to a rocket launcher with homing capabilities. Switching to a different weapon and letting the air settle gave Claptrap a false sense of security, causing him to move forward freely on the straight path. With a small choking laugh, the sniper fired off two shots; one to mislead and the other to get the kill. Claptrap noticed the first rocket and nearly panicked. "Shoot it!" Alpha commanded and Claptrap did so; raising his SMG and unleashing a torrent of bullets into the rocket, exploding it in mid-flight. But the second rocket came down onto a celebrating Claptrap, causing the ground to explode into a tower of burned dirt, flame and smoke. The sniper couldn't help but smile as she tossed aside the smoking gun.

And in doing so, made a fatal mistake. Making sure the target died. Claptrap's shield broke indeed from the impact, but his high health value saved him from dying there. With the sniper gone, Claptrap took his time going up the fort's steps, wanting to surprise his attacker.

Jumping out of the shadows with a pistol raised towards the sniper, Claptrap nearly dropped his gun in surprise, but retighten his grip once he saw the revolver on a nearby table within the reach of the sniper's right arm. "Relax." The sniper groaned, admitting defeat. "I can't reach it without turning around." She reached with her left arm and lifted the right side of the cloak to show a complete lack of a right arm. Not even a stub, the entire arm had been removed completely. "I have a lot to thank you for, Fragtrap."

"But you're missing a entire arm, Nisha!"

"It was sarcasm, you damn metal puppy!"


	6. Not A Arm To Stand On

CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 14:17:45:45

At least Nisha calmed down to not kill Claptrap immediately on the spot. To help with the process of rebonding, Claptrap scoured the fortress for food and found some teabags. Using basic knowledge he gained by watching Maya during her 'I-can't-stand-Pandora-anymore-so-I-need-a-freaking-cup-of-tea', Claptrap managed to make a lukewarm cup of green tea for him and Nisha. Well, Nisha could actually drink it and Claptrap wanted to imitate the process to make Nisha feel like she was hanging out with a actual human and not with a annoying machine.

Nisha still felt that way, but at least the cup of tea made her feel a bit better inside. Nice warm fuzzy feels.

"So I'm guessing you want to know the story behind my arm?" She sighed as tapped the cauterized spot where a right arm should be coming out of.

"Well, I wanted to know how you got up here, what made you decorated your base with deceased animals, and why you didn't try to contact me or Athena after you escaped Lynchwood!" Claptrap came out.

"The first two relate to my missing arm, and the third one is so stupid I'll pretend you didn't actually say it." Nisha sighed as old memories of Claptrap's bottomless stupidity came washing up on the shores of her bullet-riddled, dirt-covered brain. "So! You know that I met my 'end' at Lynchwood during a showdown with the second generation Vault Hunters. They made a mess of my town, I came to clean it up, and they promptly wiped the floor with me and my men."

"Karma!" Claptrap piped in. "You promised a showdown, which usually is a one on one encounter. You cheated by bringing men along!"

"They were SIX Vault Hunters and ONE me." Nisha growled but dropped the tone after a quick jump along with her face scrunching up in slight pain. "…okay, so I would have still brought my men along even if there was only one Vault Hunter in town. I fought with what I had…but after taking on so many low level bandits, I wasn't up to taking on those powerhouses. That big guy, the one with the buzz-axe? He fell me, with a nasty chop to my old friend!" She rapped on her old wound. "Running low on blood, couldn't move most of my limbs thanks to all of the shrapnel and bullets imbedded, and my guns were either broken, jammed or empty. But I had a way out."

"The New-U System?" Claptrap asked.

"…would you be surprised that I couldn't use it again during that time?" Nisha sighed. Damn gameplay mechanics turning her from a player character into a NPC. "No, my way out was more expensive and far more painful. Behind me laid the bodies of my men, all dead and perfectly placed into a pile. I looked forward and saw that blue-haired bitch pointing my last working revolver at me. I waited for the shot and fell back into the bodies, making sure to drop some ammo, guns, and whatever money I had on my person. While the six of them were grabbing the loot, I made sure to remain as still as possible. It took them about twenty minutes to get everything they wanted and trade and/or duel among each other before they left me alone. To be safe, I waited a extra ten minutes before picking myself up and scurrying out of town."

"So I guess you heard about Jack." Claptrap then asked.

"Wasn't all that surprised." Nisha dejected. "First Wilhem got killed for some stupid set-up that didn't work out for Jack. Then I got popped, Angel…and I got Jack's message to the bandits of Pandora. After hearing that, I knew exactly what the outcome would be. So when I learned that Jack had died like a little bitch…I laughed." Nisha started to chuckle at the memory. "Let's face it. All six of us at Elpis knew that any success we had there wouldn't last for long. I found crazy Jack sexy…" She grabbed her rusty revolver and pushed up her hat, brushing the barrel against her temple. "…but that didn't do much in the long run, huh?"

"You're depressing." Claptrap committed a honest Brutality.

"Oh?" Nisha growled. "You wanna want to know why I'm depressed? It has to do with my life AFTER my 'death'. Because I had little money left, I barely could afford health vials to fix me up, just enough to get me moving out of town before the bandits recognized me. But of course my major wound on my right arm wasn't fixed, so I had to tear apart my already ruined duster to act as a bandage. BAD IDEA!" She suddenly shouted, making Claptrap and a nearby Rak jump. "All the dust and blood on my tattered duster mixed into my wound and infected my arm. I didn't know about it until I way out of town. My arm burned like a bitch."

"And?"

"And…I thought by cutting off a great deal of the infected area would fix it. Surprise, I made things worse! Now that I contracted gangrene, I had to lob off my entire ARM just to stop my entire body from decaying!" She flailed her body from side to side, to which Claptrap took as a sign to step back as she might turn into a psycho and pull a buzz-saw out of her ass. But she did calm down to continue with a normal speaking voice. "So there I was…on the side of the road, watching my arm burn into ash. Had no money, had only one white gun, and I had stolen a drunk's clothes to replace my favorite outfit."

"And seeing how we torched Opportunity…"

"YOU torched Opportunity. I watched you." Nisha growled. "I came back to raid my personal storage for whatever, only to see you order a crane to pick up the storage unit and drop it into a huge pit of molten fire."

"Oh!" Claptrap snapped his imaginary fingers. "I remember smelling something familiar when we dropped that huge orange vault into the fire! It smelt like sweaty leather and gin."

"Well maybe it smelt like leather and gin, because it was leather clothes and gin!" Nisha barked. "So, again, no money, no clothes, no real weapons, no back-up plans. The rest is pretty much explained with blahs, blahs…"

"Sorry, I don't understand blahs." Claptrap shrugged. "Could you go into sparse details?"

"Fine." Nisha coughed. "I searched for a remote place to hide and rebuild. I found this place swarming with monsters, so I raided a nearby bandit camp for weapons and ammo. I killed everything up here and made this place home. I went around to more camps and raided them constantly for what I needed. And then you showed up and made me a half-way decent cup of tea." She downed the rest with one sip. "So. What the hell you want?"

"Well, I got some bad news." Claptrap put down his cup and activated his serious voice. "The Vault Hunters have been kidnapped…"

"That's good news to me."

"…they have been kidnapped by a ex-Maliwan army who are preparing something big…bad news to you?"

"Nope, still good."

"…and I need help to invade the fortress located in a dangerous valley…good news?"

"Why yes, raiding a heavily armed fortress would be good fun…even if it meant freeing my mortal enemies and making even more enemies along the way." Nisha calmly set the cup down. Claptrap imagined that would end up being target practice later. "I don't understand how you got to be a combat bot again, but I'm not going to be joining you on a suicide mission. For multiple reasons."

"Oh, come on! Please? I'm dying in two weeks! I want to go out in a Torque-esque adventure!"

"Aaannnddd adding that to my list of reasons…"

"Nisha!" Claptrap leapt over and yanked on Nisha's tattered cloak with both hands, pulling her in close to his single eye. Nisha just sighed and cocked her head away with a slight smile at this weak attempt of intimidation. "I'm going to permanently shut-down in two weeks times! I just witnessed my friends being abducted in front of me, and now some of them might be already dead! I want to die saving them!" Nisha laughed at the funny images of those stupid Vault Hunters being killed in ironic ways. It started out with a chuckle and descended into roaring laughter.

Claptrap then slapped her, leaving behind the tread-marks of his vice-grip hands on her cheek. Nisha wised up and shook herself to escape, but Claptrap held onto her tight. "I came to you asking for help, and I expected a former friend who betrayed me and got SEVERELLY PUNISHED for it to jump at the chance to gain a little redemption! So, you want to join me or do you want die here LIKE A LITTLE BITCH?!"

Everything went quiet, even the air itself died down at the outburst. Alpha's mouth hung open mute on his end in complete and utter horror of what just happened. Nisha's eyes were dinner-plate large and pale with terror. Claptrap held her this way for a long time, until he suddenly let go. He wheeled back fast, his voicebox muttering out some cowardly mutterings. If he had a face, he too would be white with horror. All three individuals present were silent for a good long minute, no-one moving from their spots.

"…guess there's still a little bit of Shadowtrap within you, huh?" Nisha hoarsely whispered after this period of being stunned faded.

"Part of the reason why I'm still alive." Claptrap admitted. "I get moments like this every now and then."

"That would explain the rather malevolent and permanent data I found floating around in your databanks." Alpha brought up. "I just assumed it was just junk data...who's this Shadowtrap?"

"In a nutshell, ." Nisha filled in Alpha. "Some sort of self-aware code that was supposed to be make Fragrap's Action Skill work properly, but it went bad and it was quarantined. And then we broke it out." She started to sickeningly chuckle. "The one smart thing Claptrap did, and we screwed that up big time. And we paid for it big time…" Nisha groaned as her remaining fleshy arm suddenly pained up after recalling the needlessly grueling showdown with Shadowtrap.

"So…" Claptrap cleared his digital throat. "…will you come with me to rescue the Vault Hunters or not…"

"Claptrap." Nisha sighed, this time with a bit more kinder touch to it. "I don't care about the Vault Hunters. I played the role once, and here am I; lacking a arm, money, weapons…everything really. I'm going to rebuild a bit, get enough money to leave this wretched planet and set up somewhere that's not here. Start over somewhere where a one-armed bandit can make a living." Claptrap wanted to interject with a pun, but decided to let Nisha continue. "You better off hiring a bandit leader. Get a entire army of cannon fodder to soak up the bullets for you while you do all the work and credit. After it's done, execute the remaining bandits and take the loot from the combined forces."

"Alpha, you got anything for her?" Claptrap muttered over the com link.

"What do you think I could offer?" Alpha grunted. "I can't leave my place and deliver her…"

"What about a new arm?" Claptrap asked. "Could you build her a super new robotic arm."

"I could, if you guys would be willing to bust me out of my prison…"

"What about a new arm?" Nisha crawled over to Claptrap to listen in and ask, "What kind of arm are we talking about?"

"Well…" Alpha sighed, realizing he would be doing favors for people throughout the entire adventure and quickly adjusted himself. "I can make a arm that's durable, make the fingers work as small pistols, add in a little missile launcher, have a small cooler, make the fingers also operate as a swiss army knife…"

"Tell me." Nisha cleared her throat before continuing. "Would this arm be able to shoot a gun normally, without gimmicks?"

"Well, being a robotic arm, it would be able to hold a steady shot for far longer than a normal person would…."

"Sounds good." Nisha admitted before also saying with a smile. "Of course, what's stopping me from just leaving you here and tracking down this Alpha guy to do this for me…"

"WE FINALLY FOUND HER!" Both Claptrap and Nisha jumped at the sound of a incoming boss. "RARGH! IT'S TAKEN ME TWO WEEKS, ONE HOUR, FOURTEEN MINUTES AND THRITY TO THRITY-ONE SECONDS TO TRACK HER DOWN, BUT I SUCCEEDED!"

"BOSS, SHE'S A GOT FRIEND UP THERE! I THINK WE INTERUPTED SOMETHING PERSONAL!"

"HOPE OUR INTERFERENCE HASN'T SEALED A DEAL OF CAMARADERIE, AND NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH TWO DANGEROUSLY ARMED MAD PEOPLE!"

"LET'S GET THE EXPLOSIVES AND BLOW DOWN THE MOUNTAIN!"

"GOOD PLAN!"

Nisha gave a good look at Claptrap. Claptrap immediately jumped up and brought forward his Striker. Nisha let out a long and annoyed grunt before reaching over to grab her generic sniper rifle. "Look, fine. You win. Help me drive off these nuts and prevent them from blowing up my nice mountain, and I'll join up on your little adventure. But I take most of the loot when this is all said and done, and then you will leave me alone for the rest of my life and whatever you have left of yours. Got it?"

"GOT IT!" Claptrap cheered, holding up a hand to accept a high-five. Nisha returned it with a half-hearted slap. And the two ascended down the mountain with weapons in hand, ready to take on whatever the bandits threw at them. Like old times.


	7. A Reverse Jigsaw

Mordecai kept himself calm. He needed to be as placid as possible in order to figure out the best method of escaping his prison. He had no weapons to fight with, no armor or shield to rely on, he didn't know where his allies were being kept yet alone where in the prison he was being kept in yet alone where the prison is even located; he might not even be on Pandora anymore. He had nothing to work with, so the only thing he could have were a mind at peace and calculating.

The one thing keeping him from being truly calm was the thought that Talon might already be dead. Having already identified the soldiers as being from Maliwan, he couldn't help but think back to the last time a major corporation got ahold of his beloved avian ally. He tried to ease his body into relaxing, but the constant aura of danger only continued to emit throughout the air. One mistake, one wrong word, even one mistimed breath would lead to many horrible deaths. And none of those dead bodies would be any of the baddies running the prison, base, whatever this place is.

The cell itself was nothing special. As Mordecai relied on using weapons and his bird partner, he didn't require much to be held down. Just a solid wall and even thicker door. He made a slight remark to himself that he felt insulted that his VIP room actually was a two star hotel room. He got a bed and toilet, all of which offered nothing he could use to escape. The bed had been bolted to the wall and would be too thin to use as cover against even the smallest of firearms, and as thin as he was, Mordecai just couldn't flush himself down the pipes.

His meditation got interrupted when the door slid into the adjoining wall and in walked a single tall guard armed with a nasty looking Hyperion shotgun. A simple grunt made it clear to Mordecai that he should follow the man's orders without questions. Mordecai got up and went into the hall, being helped along his way by the butt of the gun politely tapping against his spine. Mordecai wanted to find a way to mark each hallway with something to help differentiate each one of the symmetrical and identical paths, but the guard made it clear if Mordecai tried anything he would have to deal with multiple roads of buckshot in his back, all told with a simple grunt and another shove with the gun, this time with the barrel.

Mordecai found himself in a wide-open area. With how the tables were spaced apart, it looked like and had to be a prison lunchroom. Mordecai's escort leaned against the near wall and held his weapon with one hand. Not wanting to try anything, Mordecai simply went forward and noticed the long counter alongside the opposite wall. The counter had various trays full of glop that counted as food if you squinted to the point where your eyes are ready to close and used a spoon to dig through it to locate the actual substance. Obviously today's chief took what was left over from the soldier's meals and threw it together into a pot to make this strew. These foodstuffs were meant to fill the prisoner's stomachs and keep them alive, not to give them energy or motivation. Mordecai thought back to a conservation he and Roland had during the first days of the Crimson Raiders; Roland found the rations in the Crimson Lance to be underwhelming at the best and didn't fulfill any requirements for being food.

One minute late, Mordecai had a tray full of brown gloop with chunks of red 'stuff' and a little green blob of gelatin in the corner. With a crack about the jello being more nutritional than the main dish, Mordecai took a half of a spoonful of the stuff and put it into his mouth. It didn't taste bad, but nothing to remember. He didn't feel sick eating the mush, but at the same time he didn't feel anything. Man, imagine eating this junk every day. It would drive anyone mad! Then again that must be the reason why they served the stuff…

"Saving that seat for someone?" Hoarsely asked a familiar voice. Mordecai put down his spoon to look behind him to see a very worn-down Gaige carrying her own tray. He never seen her look this miserable before; her hair been let out of the twin ponytails, her punk outfit along with her goggles had been replaced with a generic orange jumpsuit thus robbing her of her identity…and her left arm had been taken out. She looked to be having a hard time standing straight up, and her still organic hand shook to keep the tray balanced. She practically threw it down on the table.

"Okay, that's torture!" Mordecai broke his cool and shouted out loud. The guard that brought Mordecai here grunted once again, translating to 'keep quiet'. "Gaige, are you okay?" Mordecai then spoke in a normal talking voice. "I mean, dear god…"

"It stings." Gaige sighed. "At least they were nice enough to give me something to prevent my open wound from getting infected. But I feel so…" She mumbled something as she sat down and dug into her meal with barely any enthusiasm. Mordecai couldn't help but watch the once energetic girl move without any real energy. They had been here only for a few hours and they already destroyed her. It only made him wonder about the conditions of the rest. He was kept inside a simple cell that could house just about any normal person. Lilith and Maya are probably trapped in a place that restricts their powers, Krieg and Brick must be currently chained up to a wall to prevent them from attacking anyone with their bare hands…

…Mordecai stopped himself mid-thought. He needed to be calm! He needed to be relaxed and composed…he can't be worried! Being a nervous wreck would him serve to get him killed. Taking a deep breath, he looked out a corner of one eye to a guard hanging about. He couldn't hear it from here, but the man's body movement spoke out laughter. They were enjoying the torment of the Vault Hunters.

And to add on to Mordecai's growing dread was the sound of Marcus yelling out in pain. It sounded like the time Marcus dropped a crate of rifle ammo on his foot, but with a more harsh and real tone. Both Mordecai and Gaige turned to see Marcus literally being thrown into the lunch room. The arms dealer looked to be dirty and stained with various amounts of grease and mud. While sweat and grease were apart of Marcus' aura, he looked to be uncomfortable wearing his own skin. The man skittered over to the two Vault Hunters and asked, "You got a dollar on you?"

Mordecai shook his head. "Please let me have it!" Marcus misinterpreted. "I just spent the last hour watching them burn away piles of money. And they just watched and shrugged and watched and shrugged and watched and shrugged…" Marcus strolled off, muttering the same three words over and over. Gaige didn't offer anything and just shoved food down her throat like there was no tomorrow. Then again, who knew if tomorrow would be the day they would execute them all…

Mordecai couldn't do it. No matter what he thought of, no matter how hard he tried to focus on something else, he couldn't remain calm. These Maliwan soldiers were going to break them all…


	8. Shout Out

CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 14:16:32:05

So the battle with the bandits attacking Nisha's mountain hadn't exactly gone to plan. At least Claptrap can say he wasn't totally at fault here, some of it belonged with Nisha. Having only one arm to work with didn't exactly work well with head-on combat. Holding, aiming, firing, dealing with the recoil, and reloading really worked better when you have two hands. Nisha grunted and groaned the entire time going down the mountain, bemoaning to herself why she didn't bother rearming the traps for the people too stupid to use the Fast-Travel.

While Nisha suffered in the KPS department, Claptrap suffered in everything else department. His newfound courage that got him up to Nisha's sniper post vanished when he saw a entire row of armed bandits came running up to them. They were pretty well armed though and as Nisha noted, they were good shots. But still, Claptrap had fought and beat entire bandit armies, moon monsters, more advanced machines than him, and a powerful army, so he shouldn't be running from these low level idiots. At least he managed to kill some dudes when he wasn't reviving himself or Nisha from being crippled.

They managed to get down to the base of the mountain in about a hour's time. Thankfully their slow progress had been shared with the bandits attempting to wire multiple explosives to blow down the mountain. Nisha took stock as she saw the demomen getting to work. Those things would crack the mountain and shake it…but not blow it down. Still, they might get more explosives and knowing Pandora, they might end up nuking the entire area in their attempt to knock down the mountain. Pulling out her new blue Hyperion rifle she picked out of a dead bandit, she laid it on top of Claptrap to better her aim. Three shots and down went the headless bodies of the demomen.

"Right, now for the boss!" Claptrap announced, pulling out yet another Jakobs shotgun. "Where is he…"

"RIGHT HERE YOU BLIND BAG OF BUSTED BOLTS!"

Claptrap jumped and wheeled behind Nisha as the loud and boisterous boss of this band of bandits came breaking through his men's lines to confront the two former Vault Hunters. He dressed in a ancient gas mask and wore some sick-looking leather armor. "YOU! ONE-ARMED BANDIT! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR TWO WEEKS, TWO HOURS, ONE MINUTES AND FIFTY SECONDS TO TRACK YOU DOWN SO I COULD MURDER YOU SOLID!"

"Not so loud…" Nisha groaned.

"CAN'T! SINCE I LOST A GOOD DEAL OF MY HEARING DUE TO A MASSIVE EXPLOSION INVOLING DYNAMITE COVERED IN SKAG SHIT AND EVERY SINGLE TYPE OF GRENADE ON THE PANDORA, I HAVE TO YELL SO I UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL I'M SAYING!" Nisha's face scrunched up after hearing the line 'dynamite covered in skag shit.' "SO MY HOARSE VOICE WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU'LL EVER HEAR AFTER I STICK MY MUD-COVERED HAND DOWN YOUR THROAT AND RIP OUT YOUR RIBCAGE!" He looked down to see Claptrap with his hand up. "YES TINY WALKING SCRAP HEAP?"

"Umm…I lack a throat and a rib cage, so how can you rip out those things?" Claptrap asked.

"FAIR POINT! INSTEAD, I'LL RIP OPEN YOUR CASE AND TEAR OUT YOUR COOLING FANS AND SHOVE THEM INTO YOUR MOTHERBOARD, HOW'S THAT!"

"Terrifying!" Claptrap clapped. "May I inquire as to the name of my potential killer?"

"MY NAME IS BILLY MAXIMUM AND INTEND TO KILL ANYMORE WHO STEALS FROM ME AND THEIR FRIENDS!" Billy pulled out a massively long buzzaxe (Taller than Billy himself) and pulled a cord back and forth for a few seconds before the weapon revved up and the buzz-saw span around insanely fast. Fast enough to cleanly cut through muscle and bone within a few seconds. "WE'RE GOING TO DO SOME WOOD-CARVING NOW BOYS!"

His men gave cheer as they threw a volley of grenades at Nisha and Claptrap. Seems like the people in this part of the world do wood-carving with explosives. The two jumped back before the MIRVs could detonate the area and make it into a crater. Billy ran forward with his chanbuzzaxe to chop down the two while they were behind cover.

"I'll handle Billy! You take out his goons!" Nisha shouted to Claptrap right before the bandits threw more grenades to flush the two out of cover. Claptrap ran away only to run right into Billy. He swung his weapon with enough force to pick up dirt and pebbles on the ground. Claptrap backed off and ran in the opposite direction of where he was supposed to go. Nisha groaned as she unloaded two barrels of buckshot into Billy's back. This got his attention away from Claptrap. Nisha ran back, fumbling over the shells to reload with the shotgun tucked under her arm.

Claptrap jumped over a boulder and ran straight into Billy's men, who reached for their guns to shot down a easy target. Claptrap responded in kind, throwing a Transfusion grenade in their direction. One of the men reactively reached out and grabbed it in midflight. For a brief minute, the bandits and Claptrap looked back forth between themselves and at the grenade, staring in complete shock of what just happened.

"GET BACK TO FIGHTING!" Nisha and Billy both yelled out loud. The bandit dropped the grenade and reached for his gun. Claptrap already gotten his pistol out and fired at the grenade, making it erupt and unleash the vampiric energy at the bandits. It ripped right through their shields and stole their vitality. Claptrap lifted his gun again and fired off multiple shots at his enemies. Two shots went into one guy's head, disabling his shield and cutting his health down a quarter. Four shots landed in another guy's body and only took down the shield. The thirteen other shots sprayed to the other three men, their shields withstanding. The rain of gunfire did take down Claptrap's own shield and wound him a bit, but the trails of healing energy came back to heal him.

While Claptrap got behind the boulder, Nisha rolled away as Billy dived down with his weapon poised to tear Nisha apart from the waist. The gunslinger realized that the weapon would most likely tear her into pieces and would just ignore the shield. Lifting up her rusty revolver, she placed three bullets into Billy's head. They 'dinged' off the gasmask. Rolling away into a hurried run, Nisha considered her new plan of action. So if this bandit was smart enough to protect his head with actual protection, she might need a corrosive weapon or rely on bodyshots.

"Craptrap!" She shouted over to her 'partner', busy fighting off the five bandits. "You got a corrosive gun I can use?!"

"I got this Maliwan gun…" Claptrap nervously stood up on his single wheel to show, right before ducking down to avoid another barrage of hot lead…not incendiary but just normal guns. Just to clarify. Claptrap withdrew another transfusion grenade to do the same thing he just did, just with more death this time.

"TOSS IT!" Nisha shouted as she jumped out the way of Billy's powerful downward swing. "Running out room here!"

"Here!" Claptrap yelled back as he tossed the green gun and the grenade by accident. Nisha reached out and ended up taking the grenade by accident, leading to the gun to skitter across the ground and go under a rock…of course. Nisha looked at the grenade and suddenly wished she could go back in time…to shove Claptrap into the blackhole they created on Helios.

Without as much as a choice, Nisha threw the grenade as hard as she could straight at the charging Billy. He instinctively swung his massive weapon at it. The grenade split open and unleashed the tendrils of energy all over. Billy watched the tendrils surround him right before they ripped into him to sap his health. "GARHR!" Billy shouted. "THIS REMINDS ME OF HOW I LOST A GREAT DEAL OF MY HEARING IN THE FIRST PLACE! I HATE THIS!" He chased after the energy with his chainbuzzsaw swinging randomly to somehow to attack the energy. As he rushed right at Nisha without caring about her, this allowed Nisha to get up close to him. She ducked under a swing and got her hand under his mask, managing to tear it off after a couple of powerful yanks.

"NOT MY BEAUTY MASK!" Billy shouted as he covered his face with both of his hands. Nisha took out her revolver, still half-loaded, and placed the remaining three shots into the back of Billy's head. This made the bandit leader stumble forward and onto his knees. Nisha threw the gun at his head as well, deciding to go with the Drake of the 99 Dragons strategy of gun reloading; tossing out a old one and switching to a fully-loaded weapon…with less armpit withdrawls.

Nisha yanked out a Dahl SMG and pulled the trigger back all the way. All forty-eight bullets went straight into Billy's brain, draining his health. Nisha preceded to throw that gun at Billy as well and switch to another pistol. "Die." She grunted as she pulled the trigger once, causing a fountain of blood to erupt out of Billy's head. "Damn you, die." She fired yet another bullet, making another hole. One could connect the holes with a marker in his head to make a horse. "Just die!" Nisha suddenly shouted as she unloaded the rest of the clip into Billy's brain.

"STOP!" Claptrap shouted, a bit panicky.

"What?" Nisha asked, pointing her now-empty gun at Claptrap.

"He's already dead! Stop!" He pleaded. Nisha turned back to see that Billy had already fallen over and a puddle of blood started to grow all around him. Nisha stared at the corpse for a few seconds before stepping back a few steps and pocketing her pistol. It took more seconds before she went and retrieved her guns. She turned to see that two of Claptrap's bandits were fleeing at the sight of the brutality, and other three dead on the spot.

As she slowly walked up to Claptrap, she asked, "When did he die?"

"After you beaned him in the head with the SMG." Claptrap told.

"Ah." Nisha breathed out. She looked around. Yup, this place looked like a team of Vault Hunters just passed through here. Blood covering multiple surfaces, bullet holes and black burn marks everywhere and more, bodies and various degrees of loot littering the ground and both were starting to slowly vanish and the air was eerily quiet. She looked back to Claptrap, picking up money and any gun not white-colored.

He did decently, she decided as she reached under that rock to recover that gun. Claptrap might only a short time left to live, but he was honestly doing his best. Nisha figured she might as well tag along…she could get that new arm promised and plenty of loot. Might meet some new people that could be her new deputies in the next incarnation of her law system. Make some new connections, find a better place to set up a base…and get those Vault Hunters to owe her a huge favor. If things got too hairy, she'll escape and hide out here again. Could use experience in being a one-arm gunman.

"Got everything!" Claptrap announced, breaking Nisha out of her thoughts. She looked down to see Claptrap carrying around a huge stack of guns. "We can split the loot on the way to the Fast-Travel. I still have two weeks left to live, but that doesn't mean we can't waste our time! At the pace we're going, we should have rescued the Vault Hunters within a week's time, and I can spend my remaining days living the debauched lifestyle!"

"Not a bad idea." Nisha admitted as she dug into the stack and pulled out a assault rifle with her metaphysical name on it. "Hey…we haven't heard from that Alpha gu in a while…"

"That's because I didn't want to spend a hour listening to the sound of gunfire echoing throughout my base." Alpha spoke up, followed by sound of someone swallowing liquid. "But I did watch the battle through Claptrap's eye, exciting stuff. You shot a few guys in the head, whoopee."

"Don't knock it until you tried it." Nisha summed up as she took a nasty looking bayoneted sniper rifle out of the stack. "If you're fast, you can play a little game: spot the creature in the flying blood!"

"I'll saw a turtle!" Claptrap admitted.

"Whatever." Alpha whistled. "I found someone else that can help you. Some sort of a cult leader who keeps his followers in line with lead. The reports say he has the power to make duplicates of himself…sound familiar?"

"Timothy?" Claptrap asked.

"Not Jack?" Nisha asked.

"John Boy?" Alpha mockingly asked. "I don't know! Possibly! Go found out! He's in the Tepatorl Marshes!"

"Tepatorl?"

"It's a reference to a great video game. Get going! Lillian just updated her blog saying she's going ahead with the first part of her plan." Claptrap put away the rest of the loot as the two rushed up the mountain back to the Fast Travel post. Claptrap accessed the panel…

"…oh, sorry." Alpha spoke up with a low voice. "The post also mentioned she decided to turn off world-wide support for the Fast-Travel system. Sorry."

Claptrap and Nisha stared at the now-dead console for a few seconds before looking behind them to see the long and near infinite wasteland that stretched out all around them. To them, it appeared that the entire world was just this. But even if they didn't have a mission of dire importance, they would still have to trek out there to escape the oncoming remaining members of Billy's forces. Without any choice, the two made one last stop at Nisha's mountaintop base and picked up whatever they could. Then they set out on foot into the wastelands that made Pandora so infamous in the direction of the marshes. Claptrap felt incredibly nervous; the lack of Fast Travel meant that they would be constantly moving about just to stay ahead of his last few moments of life. Nisha grunted out again as she realized this journey would be even harder and less fulfilling than she expected.

Billy opened his eyes, feeling someone nudging him. His head hurt badly, it felt like there was something rattling around in there…


	9. Midnight On A Oasis

CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 14:08:07:06

They were about ready just to faint right there on the spot. The past eight hours were some of the most tiring, most physically and mentally exhausting, and most BORING times of their lives. They did stupid side-quests that offered more than this. Nisha and Claptrap dragged their bodies into one of the many pockets of oasis in the middle of the barren rocky desert.

"This is so stupid." Nisha growled as she rolled out her sleeping bag. "I never have before regret so much in my entire life." Instead of doing the normal thing and going inside in the bag, she just flopped down on top of it. "And I once donated to a 'Cute Animal' charity…and I couldn't rob the till."

"Cheer up!" Claptrap sang out as he retracted his wheel and arms inside of his body, ready for sleep mode. "At least you get to live a life longer than two weeks!"

"If I don't get myself killed out here first." Nisha bemoaned under her breath. She managed to get the energy to roll around and face the sky. At least the milky blue sky offered up a nice look at what stars illuminated the Pandora sky. Nisha admitted, only to herself, that the starry sky was by far the best thing Pandora had to offer. Then again, most planets out there could not only offer this view, but with more stars and more fantastical astrological effects. Hey, take what you can get.

The view did make Nisha a bit more contemplative so she asked Claptrap, "You really dying in two weeks time?"

A weird electronical sigh emitted out of the robot's literal voice box before he spoke with, "Yep. I'm so old and so passé that I can't be properly repaired. Alpha gave me this counter." He then showed his red light counter. It showed that he had three-hundred and forty-four hours remaining. "Once that hits zero, my entire system will lock up and my entire race shall become extinct."

Nisha almost spoke out loud 'good riddance!' but decided it would be bad taste, even for her. "That sucks." Was her more refined response.

"Yup." Claptrap smacked his fake lips. "Sucky." He then jumped back up onto his wheel and started to go into a small rant, something that constantly-annoyed one-armed woman wanted to hear at this point and time. "But you know what? Even though there's no hope for me or my product line's survival, I'm going out with a bang! I just used my first day of my last few to be reborn as a combat unit, reunite with a old friend and took down a powerful bandit leader!"

"I'll give you the first two...barely" Nisha whispered to her before speaking in a normal voice. "Claptrap? I know you got a lot on your mind, but I need rest. Still human after all." She pretended to wave the arm that no longer existed.

"Oh right." Claptrap responded by once more retracting his wheel inside of him to go into sleep-mode. With the air finally quiet, Nisha closed her eyes and her tired body made her drift off into slumber. Claptrap activated sleep mode and he too slumbered off into the night. By his calculations, Claptrap figured that they were about a day and a half away from the Marshes. Knowing that human adults only required about eight hours of rest, Claptrap set his internal clock to wake them up exactly that time later.

And so passed the first day in the last few of Claptrap's. It ended with him being given a death sentence (As previously mentioned constantly), going on a long adventure to save his friends (Some of who would rather be tortured than to spend a minute with Claptrap), recruiting a old ally (One of those people that wanted to be tortured) dealing with a bandit leader (For the most part), and navigating a dangerous wasteland. (The one cool thing he actually did.)

All in all, a good day.


	10. Need A Table And A Chainsaw

CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 13:22:14:59

Claptrap looked at Nisha, trudging slowly behind. She didn't wake up on the right side of her small cot this morning. Nisha hadn't spoken a single word out loud, preferring to instead grunt and motion in place of verbal speech. Anything hostile was immediately met with a barrage of gunfire and the occasional bullwhip to the face if Nisha hadn't reloaded. And anything of value got picked up Nisha took with a mean look to her new partner.

Perhaps waking her up after she got exactly eight hours of sleep was a bad thing?

The land they walked through had become a bit humid and wet, signifying that they were leaving the area of the Tremble Tumble Mountains and heading into the Tepatorl Marsh. The dry and cracked land gave way to short blue grass and a small trickling river. Claptrap and Nisha turned and followed the river, figuring they could run into someone that lived next to it. The river greatly expanded into a roaring stream, but as they neared the source, the water became blacker and filled with a lot of nasty gunk. The marshes were known for their contamination due to the run-off of a Vladof factory in the center of the marsh. They still had some way to go before they would reach the cult leader, but they had managed to reach the marshes.

"Why do I have the feeling that we'll be heading to that Vladof factory soon?" Claptrap wondered out loud.

"Because it's Chekov's Factory." Nisha remarked, actually saying something for the first time today.

"Oh!" Claptrap piped up, turned around on his axle to talk with Nisha while still wheeling forward. "I get it! Because it was mentioned, we will be going there eventually, possibly a few chapters from now. After another interlude with the Vault Hunters, we will meet up with Not-Jack, discuss a few things, and get a mission to go into the Vladof factory to shut it down or kill some big bad boss dude!"

"…actually, that's the name of the factory." Nisha sheepishly admitted.

"Really?"

"Yup." Nisha bobbed her head. "That…and we could use the factory's resources. Probably got a flying vehicle or somethin' like that. Weapons too, if they got any worthwhile." She shrugged as best as she could. "Really? I just wanna rob it. Old-fashion style. No purpose, just farming loot."

"Hey, I got only thirteen days left to live. If they got a flying car, we're taking that sucker!" Claptrap turned back around and went up the winding mossy trail. The two walked in silence until they were smack-dab middle of the marsh. Nisha picked up her hat and started to fan herself off as the humidity washed all over the two. Claptrap's sensors picked up that huge amount and issued a small warning to not go any deep body of water. He would rust up pretty fast, if the air itself didn't do itself.

After about thirty minutes of walking, Nisha spoke up with: "Where's the monsters and misplaced bandits attacking us?" Claptrap merely shrugged.

"Not many people live on this side of the marshes." Alpha finally spoke up. He had been keeping quiet, a virtue that Claptrap needed to look into. Alpha offered to play music for the two to kill the boredom of walking, but Nisha kindly (As much as a loud grunt could be) turned him down. So far, the only contribution he made on the journey here was to update the two on anything he could find. So far nothing had changed. Lillian still had the Vault Hunters captured and the blackout of communications and the Fast-Travel system persisted.

But maybe they would get a bit lucky up north at that huge old mansion on the edge of the land. Nisha recognized the style as a Rhea elite house that went out of style about a decade ago. Going by the fancy wooden carvings all over the metal building, this place used to belong to someone from Jakobs. That and Claptrap tripping over a sign with the company's logo made it clear. The two ascended up the rickety steps and up to the still-standing, but severally-dilapidated front door. When Claptrap went to knock, his movement on the porch caused the door to tip and fall over.

"Ah hell, I wanted to kick it down." Nisha lamented as she stepped inside. "I wanted to see if I could explode the door into splinters."

"You could stomp on it." Claptrap pointed out.

"Not the same thing."

The house itself felt empty, but Nisha drew a pistol just in case. The mansion wasn't a turbo mansion, but somewhere between that and a regular old crummy mansion. By Claptrap's calculations (Give or take a extra three…or thirty three) the place would take about a hour and a half to cover. The place definitely looked run-down, but both of the visitors could tell that for a place in the middle of a toxic-infested swamp, it stood up well.

"Why are we here?" Claptrap asked, pulling out a shotgun and following silently behind Nisha.

"Good old fashion loot-looking." Nisha whispered as she hit a wall and peered around a corner. "Plus, I looked a little bit ahead. We're going to need to get something to cross that sludge. A boat would be nice, but we might have to settle for making a raft."

"You think the wood here is good enough to last, let alone hold our weight?" Claptrap again asked a question. "I mean, the front door and all…"

"We should try the top floors." Nisha looked up before advancing down a long corridor. "Those haven't been too exposed to the elements and time. IF we have to build a raft at all. A place this big and close to the water probably has to have a garage with proper boats in it. Of course, we might have to do some repairs and maybe even a little-proofing if the hull isn't going to hold in the water…"

"A Jakobs place a few miles away from a Vladof factory? Sounds like corporate wet work…pardon the pun."

"Oh yeah. Chekov's Factory might be located on top of a small mountain, but there's got to be plenty of secret entrances all around that be accessed by boat. Keep an eye out for any sort of paper; they might contain some useful information about the area."

"Though it does raises the question…if this place IS a Jakobs spy center, then how come it still stands intact and not burned into ash? If anything, the complete opposite happened."

"Good point…then again, you ever heard of Jakobs using fire?"

"Ah!" Claptrap stopped in the middle of the hallway to talk. "Look at us! The two of us, hard-friends and later enemies, having a nice conservation! A helpful conservation where we talk as equals, as opposed to the usual banter of me saying something and you throwing a insult…"

"Shut up Claptrap." Nisha responded with a bullwhip to the eye. Claptrap listened and followed behind.

The air down the hall felt incredibly musty. Nisha took a whiff and it reminded her of mating seasons for skags. She put away her pistol and instead went for a shotgun. Claptrap made a fake gulping sound as the two of them stopped to look around and make sure that nothing had been following them or were watching from above. They preceded down the hall a bit slower than before. Nisha admitted to feeling anxious, but mostly due to the fact that having one arm meant easier target for whatever…or whoever…stalked the halls.

Claptrap wheeled onto a loose board, making it creek. This made some red eyes blink open and stare down the intruders.

Out from the various woodworks came moss-covered creatures that resembled skags, splitter skags more specifically. But they didn't move or act like skags. They hit the walls and crawled along it to go after their lunch. Nisha and Claptrap opened fire and managed to get one down and dead. Two others launched themselves off the walls and managed to tackle Nisha down to the ground. Claptrap threw out his hand into a punch that managed to throw off the monster. The two decided to run away and find a place where they would have more room to fight. The creatures pursued without making any noise outside of making the floorboards creak.

Thankfully the hall gave away to a small dining area. Nisha and Claptrap hit the middle of the area and filled the hallway with as much buckshot as they could before they ran out. Another creature fell dead but three more joined the fun. Nisha decided to switch to the bullwhip for now, leaving the gunplay to Claptrap. He swapped to a assault rifle and sprayed one creature. It endured all the bullets and swiped by Claptrap, taking out a good chunk of the shield. Nisha snapped the creature in the face, but it still lived and rolled up into a ball. Claptrap opened fire on the monster, but the rolling managed to deflect bullets and spread them all over the place. The two just leapt out of the way as the monster rolled out, tearing up the floor down to the foundation without even slowing down.

"GEEZ!" Claptrap screamed as he ducked down from another creature leaping at him. "These guys!"

"We best get going and not stick around!" Nisha growled as she resorted to kicking to get off her. The monster instead opened it's mouth and closed it shut once Nisha's booted foot was inside. Nisha howled in pain. Not helping things is when she looked down, she noticed that no blood was escaping through the teeth. What are these things? She could feel her leg going to sleep…painful sleep. Gawd, was she going to lose another limb?

Thankfully, no. Claptrap actually pulled himself together and rushed over to Nisha's aide. "CHEW ON THIS!" Shouting a cliché action hero phrase, (Think of a short-haired white male) Claptrap swing the butt of his shotgun down on the creature's head a few times. This got the monster to snap it's jaws, allowing for Nisha to escape and limb-run away. Claptrap quickly turned the weapon around and unloaded all bullets. The monster died thankfully. Claptrap then followed Nisha after throwing a grenade to keep the beasties distracted.

…despite the creatures being fairly smart and durable, they all did stop to examine the grenade. It looked nothing like they seen before! None of those humans they feasted on years had these with them! But it did look like a berry…it couldn't be a weapon then! One of those mossy beasts swallowed the grenade…and in case you don't know what happens when a armed grenade is swallowed does to the being that swallowed it as well as the beings around it, you should ask your parents.

Claptrap opened up his inventory and pulled out a vial of health. Nisha snatched it and used it to stop the bleeding, but great searing pain still erupted all over her leg. She looked down to see veins popping and could be seen through her pants. Poisoned as well? Didn't have time to focus on getting rid of that, so Nisha just ran as fast as she cold. Claptrap continued with his trend of being useful by reloading all of Nisha's guns for her.

"Alpha!" Claptrap wheezed out, despite having no lungs for him to be tired with. "What are these things?"

"I'm looking, I'm looking!" Alpha repeated as the sound of rapid key typing echoed out. "Damn, I didn't know there that many species on Pandora! Going to need some help identifying these things…"

"THEY'RE EVIL!" Claptrap cried out as he shoved him and Nisha out of the way of another roller.

"Great, that narrows down the species from twenty-five thousand and twenty to just twenty-thousand. Got anything more specific? I mean, it's your lives on the line here!"

"Green, mossy, skag-like, armored!" Nisha shrieked as her leg buckled and she fell onto the ground. Claptrap quickly backtracked and picked Nisha up with both hands, deciding to run rather to fight. Carrying his ally above his head, Claptrap just wheeled through the mansion's halls without a clue where to go. More and more monsters just burst through the walls to chase down the two intruders and destroy them.

Thankfully an open door appeared to the two. Claptrap just threw Nisha in like a backpack of a college student before jumping in and closing the door behind him. He started to throw as much stuff he could grab in front of the door to keep the monsters from barging in. Cabinets, tables, weights, whatever this room had got thrown in front of the door. The door bended against the monster's attacks and holes were broken through, but the junk pile held and protected the two from any more monsters.

One minute later, the monsters roared out a very low and vibrating growl before giving up and heading away from the door. Claptrap and Nisha kept their breathing as slow and delayed as possible (Well, Claptrap's fake breathing. Nisha wanted to get him to be quiet but didn't want to make any noise) to make sure the monsters would leave them alone. After five minutes of silence, Claptrap turned to Nisha and asked, "You okay?"

"Pretty sure I got poisoned." Nisha remarked as she lifted up the pant's leg to look at the wound. Four round holes in a arc were embedded in her right leg. While they had stopped bleeding and the holes were on the way to healing up thanks to the health vial, Nisha could see the popped veins…and they looked a bit green. Nisha breathed heavily as she wondered what she could do to fix this. The poison started to seep into her body proper, so she needed to work fast. It would take more than a few vials of health to fix this…

"Running " A very monotone and familiar voice came over Claptrap. While the bad memories of rubber duckies, grenades coming out of nowhere, and her fantastic guns being reduced to a one-shot wonder and MISSING came over Nisha, she suddenly started to feel better. Opening her eyes, she could see Claptrap wearing a nurse's cap and pointing a red laser at her. The laser hit her body and started to mend her body pretty fast. She could feel the poison starting to fade.

"Wait a minute." Nisha asked before getting up. "Why didn't you summon a turret, or a mini-you…or how about that one with the wizard hat? I like that one, can you just do that one?" Claptrap didn't respond, but he finished up performing his action skill and went back to normal. Nisha looked at her leg to see her veins had gone back to normal, both in size and color. The bite wound still remained, but faded and would vanish in a month. Shame, it looked cool. "Claptrap…thanks." Nisha honestly replied. Made her stomach shake from saying that though.

"You're welcome!" Claptrap replied all chipper before he waved his hands over the junkpile keeping the door shut. "I'm impressed with my job as a stacker! I should do this back in Sanctuary! Scooter really could use my help…"

"Not that, the other thing?" Nisha wheezed.

"What other thing…you mean my shooting?" Claptrap tapped his hand against the top part of his body. "But you spent the entire time we've been together insulting me and my shooting!"

"No, the other thing you JUST did to me."

"Nisha, I JUST shoveled a bunch of junk in front of a door to keep out a bunch of monsters from attacking us. That's the thing I JUST did."

"Claptrap, you just healed me of poison! That's the THING you JUST did to ME."

"No, the THING I JUST did to YOU is PICKING YOU UP and CARRYING YOU DOWN A HALLWAY so we can ESCAPE FROM SOME MONSTERS."

"Enough with the damn emphasizing!" Nisha growled. "I had been poisoned by those things and we got trapped in here…" Nisha got a good look around. A kitchen/dining area that looked neat and well-preserved despite the heavy fog of dust hanging over the entire room and various molds covering most services that were so thick they could block bullets. Most of the furniture had been propped against the door, and they looked to be sturdy. Nisha continued, "…you blocked the door and then pulled out that medi-b…" Nisha stopped, thought of copyright and quickly switched terms to: "…healing laser and patched me right up! How did you forget that?"

"Checking memory banks." Claptrap held his hands up to where his memory banks were and his 'eyeball' started to rotate. This loading took a few yet long seconds before Claptrap spat out, "I did no such thing! Why, I haven't even accessed my Action Skill during this entire adventure!" He then rubbed his hand up and down the side of his chassis. "Weird that you, of all people, would lie just to compliment me."

"I'm not." Nisha gritted between her teeth. Deciding to chalk this up to Claptrap's usual idiocy, she moved on to the matter at hand. "Look, we need to find a way out of here. Those beasties will tear us apart if we try to leave out the way we came in…if they aren't trying to find a way inside of this room already." Nisha took a look around. "No large human-sized accessible air vents, no weak walls to be blown down by making a pile of black powder from our bullets, no way to sneak out without being spotted…"

As the two discussed a method of escaping, the monsters returned to their nests to rest and wait for their prey to make a mistake. As they went to slumber, a whispering tone echoed through their heads…


	11. The Castle's Secret Passages

CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 13:20:14:59

Two hours, felt like four, had passed. No method of escape had been found and both Nisha and Claptrap were listless. Nisha had unloaded and reloaded all of her guns and Claptrap played all the silly games he had downloaded a month ago and hadn't touched since then. Nisha had already checked the kitchen area for any remaining food that were still edible but only came up with cobwebs, spiders (The generic type with no species name or unique marks; just a black body with red eyes and eight black legs) and dust. Claptrap could eat the latter, as far as Nisha cared.

At least the monsters had been quiet, whatever they were. But that didn't mean much nor did it meant anything good. Doc Alpha did all the research he could about these creatures, but he came up with nothing. At least Claptrap and Nisha got to hear another variation of Alpha's 'I'm stuck in my lab' routine.

About the only thing Nisha really did of any use was to poke a peek hole with her small knife into the wall next to the barricaded door to look out into the hall to track the monsters. So far, only two of those things had come back to check if the door had been unblocked. They acted like dogs as they scratched at the door expecting to be let in. Nisha growled at the sight and really wanted to murder them all. Perhaps setting fire to the place might be the answer…but Nisha really wanted to raid the place for anything cool and/or useful. And they probably should look for a boat or some sort of useful transportation before that.

"Claptrap." Nisha deadpanned. "You think you can use your to get that Torque Fiesta going? Grenade spam might be our best way out of here." She started to shove aside all the junk blocking the door. "Let's get this going, I'm getting antsy."

"I haven't used it yet, and I'm pretty sure it's still as random as before." Claptrap admitted. "But I guess I can try!" He got off the floor and back onto his wheel. "Running defragmentation…locating action package…" Nisha hoped that whatever happened before with the healing laser would pop up again and get the proper package in time. But of course not would it work! Why, Nisha wanted to bang her head against the ceiling as she started to bounce uncontrollably thanks to the ducky safety ring that suddenly wrapped around her stomach. Here's hoping that the beasties found bouncing to be something confusing. But knowing their current run of luck, they probably enjoyed the taste of rubber.

"Thanks a lot!" Nisha growled out loud as she knocked over the last bit of furniture in front of the door. Claptrap attempted to fix that by bowling himself into a cabinet, but the cabinet bounced him back instead. The tall, large wooden cabinet didn't even bounce or wobble. Nisha found that strange, so she hopped on over to it. To keep the bad luck going, the action package ended while she was in midair and she flew straight into the cabinet, again proving that the thing was far more stable than the one-armed woman and the clumsy machine.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Nisha muttered to herself as she pawed the cabinet. "A mansion this big is got to have at least three secret passages per room!" She let out a tiny nervous laugh as she felt a small switch underneath the third row shelf. A flip and the entire cabinet slid to the left to reveal the dark passage behind it. "This is our ticket out of this dump! Come on!" She waved to Claptrap as she ran into the passage. Claptrap wisely decided to block the door again before joining Nisha.

"Maybe there's a old dusty map down these corridors!" Claptrap loudly wondered.

"Or maybe there's more monsters that have already found the secret passages and have set up nests!" Nisha shot back. Claptrap wisely kept his trap clapped shut and followed behind her. The passageway became very dark within seconds, thankfully Claptrap acted like a nightlight. Nisha kept her pace slow and quiet to make sure she wouldn't be detected by the beasts and so she could hear them instead. Sounded quiet…for now. Nisha readied a revolver and prepared to shoot anything that dared to walk around the corner.

But a solid three minutes passed without encounter. Nisha put down her gun to her side as she went around the corners of the near endless passage. If Claptrap could sweat…he would be rusted by now. But still, in such a small corridor, any fight would end quickly.

But at long last the corridor came to an end. A old door laid just ahead of the two. Nisha suddenly broke out into a run as saw the door and threw it open with a powerful swing. She let out an incredibly nervous laugh as she witnessed the one thing she always wanted to see since the beginning of this ordeal. The garage! With swamp boats! A DOOR! The way out at long last! Nisha continued to laugh like crazy as she jumped through the garage, examining the tool bench like it had candy in it. Claptrap still remained on alert, rounding each corner with a gun pointed forward. Nisha jumped into one of the blue boats and checked it out.

"It's warm." Nisha muttered out loud. Claptrap turned towards her as she examined the boat. "This thing is not only up to date on all the necessary parts…" She then tapped the hull. "But this thing is solid. The hull has been recently repaired and there are no holes in this thing. Armored too. And this gun…" She reached down and pulled out a foldable chain gun. "This sucker is at least a year old." She bended over the other side and looked at it. "The Slushie Puppy? Stupid name…but it does mean this boat is owned by someone."

"A puppy lover?" Claptrap questioned.

"Good, more of a reason to kill for this boat." Nisha muttered under her breath. "Still, we shouldn't try to be that hostile towards the boat owner. For once, we shouldn't try to shoot up everyone we come across. Let's try doing the smart thing for once and see if we can make peace."

"Can't we just hotwire the boat? I know you can hotwire!"

"Nope. It has one of those CON3 V-Ace engines. Can't hotwire that."

The universe looked upon the situation the two were in and decided that they were having too much good coming at them at once. Feeling that they deserved to fight another wave of monsters, the east wall of the garage burst open and out came two monsters from before. Nisha yelled out loud as she turned to them, emptying her pistol into the first creature. The bullets entered into the body, going by the thin mist of red emitting out of the creatures, but it didn't slow the monster down.

Claptrap rushed forward with his shotgun ready and fired both barrels at the same one Nisha had targeted. It flew back several feet into the wall, but managed to get back onto it's feet. Claptrap reloaded as fast he could, but another creature pounced on him and pinned him down. Nisha, still lacking a second arm to reload properly with, ran over and kicked the creature in what she assumed was the rib section. Regardless, it did allow Claptrap to escape and finish off the creature with another double barrel of buckshot. Nisha kept going towards the other creature and too kicked it down. It allowed Nisha and Claptrap a chance to reload and finish off the second creature. They had managed to take out two of the monsters without much problem, but they decided to hightail out of there in case more showed up.

More did, of course! Four more burst from the outside, though at least one stopped to eat the remains of the dead two. Nisha and Claptrap rushed back to the secret passage, with Claptrap shoving a tool shelf behind them to block the passageway and Nisha closing the door after Claptrap jumped in. "We need to try one of the other passages!" Nisha shouted as she raced ahead. Claptrap jumped and followed behind her best he could.

They kept turning through the corners, quickly arguing about which they should go without going back the way they came in. They kept running and running until they found a older passageway full of cobwebs and dust bunnies. The two silently agreed to go down this path, figuring that they could hide from the monsters in an older part of the mansion. Nisha panted as she darted down the old passageway in the hopes of escaping these hardy monsters.

Dust and web-covered walls greeted the two as they reached the end of the path. Going by a barely visible big barrel in a corner, Nisha figured that they have arrived in the wine cellar. They continued forward, a bit slower to make sure they don't disturb the obvious giant spiders waiting for them. Claptrap recalled a tidbit that Lilith brought up during a recent campaign of Bunkers and Badasses. Spiders! Burn them! Claptrap swapped his shotgun with a Maliwan SMG that fired incendiary rounds.

Nisha turned a corner and found two things of note. First, a wooden staircase that would have lead up, if not for the giant gap between the first rung and the last one at the top leading to the first floor. And second, a great big hole leading even deeper underneath the mansion next to the staircase. Nisha could tell that this hole had to been made with a powerful explosion to rip out the mixture of modern-day cement and stone. And those black marks made it clear that the hole had been created recently.

"Dare we go even further into the pit of hell?" Claptrap asked.

"I think I just heard more of those creatures!" Nisha let out a grunt and jogged straight through the hole's entrance. Claptrap followed.

This passage was much shorter than last. In fact, both of our heroes (Well, Nisha isn't really trying to be one, and Claptrap needs a lot of help to become one.) wished that the passage had been longer so they would have time to adapt to the twisted insanity they had come across.

Before them sat a man on a throne made out of rotten wood furniture. A man with a twisted face and a large unibrow. He cackled upon seeing his guests. Despite his rather creepy looks, he did wear nice clothes with the only stain being the wet bottom part of his pants leg, most likely obtained when he was embarking/disembarking the boat. The mysterious man continued to chuckle as his guests continued to stare at him.

"In case you're wondering?" He asked with a clear voice. "I happened to be the owner of this base. I used to have a rather droll normal name, but you may call me by the name I picked out a while ago. The Drako King."


	12. Covered In Red

Brick hated just sitting around and doing nothing. He preferred a more active style of life, one that involved punching as many things as possible all over and eating junk food all day long. This cell pretty much killed that lifestyle; some sort of a light mist emitted through the air conditioning that kept his body cool and relaxed. He couldn't make a fist, his body was that relaxed. His natural desire to smash and break things had started to fade out of his mind.

And this made him mad. If he could be mad anymore.

When he first got thrown into his cell, Brick tried what he had been designed to do in the first place, smash shit and watch it explode into a thousand chunks. But his fists merely bounced off the four walls and the door as he tried to pummel them like he would against a bandit's head. The lack of metal bursting like a blood melon made Brick growl. He attempted to activate his Berserker Rage, but he couldn't pull it off. He didn't feel very angry. He felt somewhat…calm.

Brick had tried everything he had with him to escape. The walls and the door were too thick to break through and the door wouldn't budge no matter how he tried to move it. He considered trying the sick prisoner ploy…but he realized during practice he wasn't even fooling himself. Considering how the guards outside his cell stood at the opposing wall of the door, there wouldn't be a chance for him to grab a gun. Knowing how smart these guys were in capturing all of them, Brick decided even if his fake groaning would get the guard's attention, he would be riddled with bullets instead of getting proper medical treatment.

So, how would they be getting out of here? Brick wondered. At least his mind hadn't been that dulled to the point where he could consider a means of escape. For starters…he would have to be let out of here. Brick hadn't have been outside of his cell since he arrived. Probably because Lillian wanted to keep Brick in a place where she could keep him under the effects of the calming mist. She didn't want to let the other captives be affected; the mist was actually quite strong. If used on a person who didn't rely on rage, it would turn them into a mindless zombie. And she wanted to break the other Vault Hunters and their allies, not reduce them to things that wouldn't even respond to you cutting off an arm.

Test Subject Jones was very shocked to discover he had lost an arm and a pint of blood without feeling a thing.

And the food provided barely gave Brick any substance. Thin slices of mystery meat, watery mash potatoes, see-through carrot slices, and what Brick assumed to be a brownie…hard to tell. It could be chimney soot hardened into a brick shape. Don't know why he decided to refer to it as chimney soot. Just couldn't call it anything else. Maybe it WAS chimney soot. And why would there be a chimney out here…wherever they were?

At long last came some interaction with someone else. A big tall and imposing guard in thick armor calmly walked into the cell. No gun on him. Brick wondered if this guy had a death wish. If enough of this pacifying air in the cell got filtered from the outside, he could become his old self and easily take down his guy and the other two outside. The big guard silently pointed behind him and went outside to wait for Brick to follow. Brick realized it would be better for him and the others if he would hold back his anger for later. Scope the place out and learn what exactly they had walked into so they can better plan out an escape.

The big guard, Lukas, lead Brick towards a large room. Both Lilith and Mordecai were inside and waiting unrestrained. They didn't seem to be surprised to see their friend. Seems like the person who operated this base wanted to conserve with the first generation of Vault Hunters. Lukas ordered Brick to take a seat in one corner of the room away from his friends. Wanting to wait until someone with a gun appeared in the room so Mordecai could use that, Brick sat down and gave a knowing look to his friends.

In stepped Lillian, wearing a nice white suit. "All is present?" She asked in a quiet tone. "Thank you Lukas. Please stick around until we conclude the meeting." Lukas bowed towards her and then leaned against a wall. "Are we all present? The Siren Lilith, the Berserker Brick and the Hunter Mordecai?" She cleared her throat and waited for a response from the others. Lukas kicked Brick in the shin very sharply, enough to get him to say "Present." Lilith and Mordecai followed suit. "Good." Lillian spoke. "Now then…I suppose the leaders of the Crimson Raiders want to know the full scope of my plan."

"Yeah." Brick spoke again. "Tell us why you captured us and our friends. And if ain't good…" Brick wanted to pound his fists together to try and intimidate his capturers, but the effect of the mist still hung on him and he didn't have the energy to raise his hands.

"As I told Lilith…" Lillian waved over to the Siren. "…me and my men's main goal here is to locate a Vault buried here in the Abyss. We believe that the Vault is located…about…two thousand miles deep into Pandora." Mordecai and Lilith both looked alarmed while Brick remained with the same face. Lillian noticed this and turned to Brick to say: "That's halfway to the center to the core of Pandora." Brick blinked at this, not really getting it. Lillian added, "By going that deep, it will cause massive tremors and earthquakes the entire planet over. It could end up destroying the entire planet by accident if we're not careful."

"That's bad." Brick simply admitted.

"Yes, real bad." Lillian replied in kind. "Big bad. It will be as bad as elephant on a…" She stopped her short and went silent as she couldn't of a proper end to her little…what's the word? Oh, analogy, right. So Lillian went back on track. "Which is why I kidnapped you and your friends. Not only to prevent you from activating the drill and searching for the Vault…and to later conquer Pandora as our stepping-stone into the galaxy and further beyond."

"Figures." Moredcai sighed. "Just another wannabe-conqueror…" Mordecai was quickly silenced by a knuckle sandwich to the head, with a side of boot to the head. Today's special by Lilith remained still. Brick wanted to get up, but he couldn't feel any anger. But surely by know the mist would have worn off! As he tried to consider how long he had been in a cell, a sudden thought sprung into his mind.

He had been knocked unconscious upon being lifted up into the sky. There existed a gap in his memory.

With the room's attention focused on Mordecai, Brick reached a hand around his back, trying to find something that didn't belong. In the area at the base of the neck and in between the shoulder blades, there was a little bump. Feeling it up, it appeared to be under his skin. While Lillian and Lukas were working on Mordecai, Brick placed his right thumb and index on the bump. Anticipating a great deal of pain, he gritted his teeth and pulled hard. His skin ripped open and blood started to seep out. But coming out came the bloody implant. Brick breathed in and out heavily as he crushed the implant in his hand. He could feel himself slipping away…but at the same time? He felt his strength returning…and his anger as well. Brick hid his inner delight for now. He kept his attention of holding onto his open wound.

"Now then." Lillian cleared her throat. She reached into her jacket's right pocket and pulled out a remote. She hit the top-most button and the window on the eastern wall opened up to show the giant drill. "I called the leaders of the Crimson Raiders together so they can witness the start of the end of your world." And by pressing the second button, the drill lit up. The drillhead spun up slowly, making a very clear-sounding buzzing noise. Energy crackled at the tip, and soon a large purple laser shot out and pushed through the layer of earth. The base shook like a 3.0 earthquake.

"See?" Lillian admitted, with a little more giddiness in her voice. "It might take a while, but within about two weeks from now, I shall find the Vault! And the best part of this whole thing?" She turned to face the drill. "This drill is quiet, so we can rest easily…"

Brick jumped up and struck Lillian in the back of the head, flying the little woman into the wall. He growled out loud in both fury and pain, but he raced over to Lukas. The usually stoic guard actually reacted to this by reaching out with both hands and pushing Brick back. But this didn't stop the Berserker, and he just charged forward again and knocked down Lukas.

Mordecai was still banged from his attack, so he didn't join Lilith on her attack against Lillian. Surprisingly, the leader took a blow to the back of the head a lot better than most bandits did. In fact, she stood right back up and back-handed Lilith with enough force to knock her down. Lillian wasted no time and pummeled Lilith on the ground with stomps to the ribs, head, and the pelvis area. Lilith didn't even have time to fight back, Lillian quickly defeated her.

And Brick? He didn't fare as well. Lukas has serious bulk about him, and that was packaged with great speed. Lukas focused more on defense than directly attacking; all of Brick's blows either got blocked, dodged, or barely glanced Lukas. Combining his lack of successful attacks and his still open wound, Brick didn't have a chance against the head guard. And to further add onto the punishment, Lukas fought back with powerful blows to Brick's face, and a couple of punches to Brick's manhood, just to embarrass him.

And then came the finisher. Lukas reached forward with both thumbs raised and plunged them into Brick's eyes. Brick yelled out loud, the most painful thing he ever let escape his lips. Lilith and Mordecai looked at Brick, helpless to stop Lukas from blinding Brick. Blood poured out of his eyesockets…and Lukas kept his thumbs in. He didn't move, didn't laugh, didn't motion or anything. He remained still as a statue.

"That will be enough, Lukas." Lillian cleared he throat. And like a dog, Lukas pulled out and went back a bit to let Brick fall to the floor; holding his bloody eyes and whimpering. Lillian lifted her wrist and talked into the communicator. "I need a team of medics in Scenic Room 04. One of the prisoners has managed to rip off his implant and was given the Lukas treatment. Please treat him, and make sure the next implant will be placed on a major organ. Heart or brain, your choice." She dropped the call and went over to Lilith. "Oh, in case you thought or were going to ask…" She reached over to her right hand and pulled up a fold of skin.

One slow yank of the skin revealed a metal layer of muscle underneath. "You see, I survived a direct hit from a Nukem during my service with Maliwan. Lost my hands, feet, and my skull cracked open like a egg dropped from a mountaintop. Survived that." Lillian once more went off into her 'can't talk' phrase, but she stopped and refolded the skin…the word is…GRAFT!...graft back in place. "I anticipated a great deal of possibilities. If I must fight, I will strike you down…and I will and shall kill you if I must."

"Just do it." Lilith grunted, holding her head from all the blows she received. "I'm a threat if I'm left alive. Kill me, and make sure of your victory."

"No, no." Lillian waved a finger in front of Lilith's face. "I want your help in making my ideal government work. That's why I'm doing this. To make you believe, to make you open your eyes and understand…that I have the right idea." And she turned and left the three original Vault Hunters in the room, left to wait around until they picked up for transfer. Mordecai and Lilith went over to tend to their bleeding friend, covered in blood and forming a thick pool around him…


	13. Double Up

Silence permeated all throughout the room. Not a single being moved from their place nor opened their mouths to say something. Both Claptrap and Nisha just stared awkwardly at the Drako King as he just sat there and waited for them to react in anyway. Like if they were to do the sensible thing and open fire upon their enemy, his shield would hold out against their barrage (Being a boss, his shields and health were significantly higher than his minions, despite his more feebler appearance.) while he summoned his dogs to come and tear the intruders apart. If they were to engage with words instead of bullets, he would have his retorts ready. If the interlopers decided to run instead of fight, all he had to was throw one switch to trap them.

"Well?" The Drako King coughed out. "Do you have something you want to do? Pull out your guns and see if you can hit me before I kill you? Perhaps you want to joust with insults? Or do you want to run? All are good options…"

"He's a Rat Momma?" Claptrap finally spoke up.

"No." The Drako King muttered out half-heartily. "I'm the Drako King. I rule over the Drakos…the things you've been killing in your selfish quest."

"Good to know these bastards have a stupid name, I can relax a bit better now." Nisha sighed as she relaxed her stance and stared down the King. "So, how do you controls these Drunkos?"

"Drakos." The King corrected with a forlorn sigh. "They're named so because of their dragon-like tendencies. They used to breathe fire until they to this swamp and the heavier air removed that ability but instead gave them poisonous saliva….the creatures can adapt to any of the given Pandora environment from what I learned. Thick scale-like skin, guards their nest carefully…and hoards whatever they can get their grubby claws on." The King flashed a smudgy smile towards his unwanted guests. "But unlike the dragons of myth, these can be controlled."

"Hey, Doc." Claptrap activated his coms and got in contact with the absent Doctor Alpha. "Now that you know what kind of creature it is, can you get us the scoop?"

"Drakos…" Alpha sighed before rapid-firing typing away at his computer. "Ah, okay. It's a thought-to-be extinct species that originated on Selena V. A campaign of genocide was enacted, that's how dangerous these things were. Guess somebody saved a few pups and brought them here…and why do I blame Hammerlock for this?"

"Look, I just found them." The King muttered out, losing whatever evil fire he had in his voice for a brief second. He quickly regained the temper and shot back with: "I have no clue as to why you intruded on my premises, but I can assure you that you wouldn't be leaving. You two and that pest from that cult are going to make such poor meals for my pets."

"Cult leader?" Nisha wondered to herself before turning to Claptrap and speaking normally. "Ah, that's right! Not-Jack, the guy we came here to pick up. He was leading a cult…for some reason. We should deal with this nut job, steal his boat keys and go find Not-Jack." She raised her gun and pointed it straight at the King's big face.

"Yes, go ahead." The King waved his right hand before reaching into left pocket with his other hand. He pulled out a key-ring and daggled in front of the two. A quick look, even from across the room, revealed that the boat key was a silly dolphin. "I do have the key for the boat…it's the only way to travel further through the Marshes. But this I swear to you…this is as far as you will ever travel through Tepatorl." And he waved his hands down.

Sharp, haunting yellow eyes peered out of the dark corners of the room. Claptrap pulled out his trusty shotgun and loaded a shell. "Nisha?" He whispered. "This could be our last fight." Nisha grunted in response, Claptrap took that as a affirmative. "So, last words? Anything good, something memorable?"

"Honestly." Nisha breathed out. "I kinda wanted my last words to be: 'I may be out of bullets, but I got a full bottle of whiskey with me at least.' But then I came to Pandora that has bullets in every nook and cranny in their nook and cranny…and I'm out of whiskey."

"Okay." Claptrap sighed as he pointed the gun to the various creatures awaiting in the darkness. "I got a new one for ya. 'I'm going to…Drako you guys into hell with me!"

Nisha wanted to place one bullet in Claptrap's one eye for that pun, but realized that would be wasting a bullet.

The Drakos pounced from the corners. The two ex-Vault Hunters opened fire at the first one that came in their sights before bolting off away from the swarm. Nisha opened fire on every Drako that came close to her, trying to kill them before they got her. Claptrap circled around the area, taking potshots and waiting for his action skill to recharge. Neither focused on the King, who giggled from his throne and occasionally gave orders to go after one target. But soon the creatures started to gain the upper hand; they started to strafe around Claptrap to circumvent his constant circling and went full-on aggressive when Nisha needed to reload.

It really seemed to be the end. A boss character left untouched while his minions whittled away at the Vault Hunters. While they had touched a nearby New-U Station outside the house (Which were thankfully unaffected by Lillian cutting the power) it would still be a long journey back inside…or a longer journey of getting around the swamp without the boat. Either way, their defeat would set them back hours…even days.

But like most stories, there came a sudden miracle. The sudden, nearly anti-climatic miracle. Hopefully not anti-climatic.

Two powerful bursts of energy shot over the heads of Nisha and Jack. The air crackled as the two shots flew; practically burning the very air in the room. The two shots ripped into the King, knocking him off both his air and his footing. This not only stopped the King, but also caught his pet's attention and they turned away to notice their master. Nisha reloaded her hand cannon and fired a single road point-blank into the nearest creature before running towards where the shots came from, grabbing Claptrap and running with him. They were greeted by a man in a tattered grey-green cloak with his arms raised up who then ordered the two to 'follow me.' Even Claptrap recognized the voice and the two arm cannons that poked out of the cloak.

Nisha and Claptrap followed their savior…well, the Doppelganger, pretty much a given at this point…back through the secret corridors until they were outside the mansion at last, this time on the east side. Awaiting was a large swamp boat with two chain guns at the west and east sides with the Doppelganger hopping into the driver's seat. Nisha and Claptrap jumped into the two seats next to the guns and readied them in case of their great friends the Drakos decided to send them off with a great farewell. They did throw a party by swarming outside in a thick crowd in hopes of drowning the interlopers in a sea of claws and poison. Nisha and Claptrap unleashed the spinning terror of their guns and tore down the crowd while the Doppelganger revved up the engine and sped off, getting far away from the mansion and the monsters.

The King watched as his prey ran off. He shook a fist at the boat but called his pets back so they could regroup and prepare for the assault on the cult's base. Their transgressions against his kingdom had to be stopped…and his pets hungered for a real meal. Going by their clicks and chirps, they felt so much powerful whenever they had human meat and muscle in their stomachs….

The Doppelganger stopped the boat about five minutes out from the mansion, arriving at a dock that lead into a solid island with a giant wooden structure poking out of the forest of the dead trees. Nisha and Claptrap jumped off and fell onto the dock, collapsing out of exhaustion. The Doppelganger sighed and went over to them. "Nice to know that the last Claptrap unit in existence is the same exact idiot as he was before. The only real surprise is that you're with him Nisha…and have one arm. Lose that in a poker game, cowgirl?"

"Not Jack?" Nisha sighed before rather politely asking, "You got any booze?"


	14. Making The Face

CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 13:18:43:09

Nisha and Claptrap felt that the dilapidated mansion offered more than the Doppelganger's little cult camp. The mansion had multiple floors, secret passageways, a garage with working vehicles, and other such hidden treasures they didn't have time to find due to the infestation of monsters. The cult camp had three vending machines in which the cultists thought they could receive their various bodily fluids and thus smelled like a community bathroom, they lived in the cobbled-together shacks that were commonly found all over Pandora, and the only worth-while sight was that of the giant wooden totem made in the honor of their god the Doppelganger.

"It stinks." Claptrap summed up when they came across the totem.

"Hate to agree with you, but yeah, it stinks." Nisha nodded as she spat in the general direction of the totem.

The Doppelganger grunted at the sight of his former friends insulting the sigil of the cult, something they spent months on. Out of all of the crap that the cult did, the one honest and good effort they actually did was the first thing that Claptrap and Nisha decided to mock. Not the crosses containing the bodies of random trespassers or the fact the cult dressed in a stupid mixture of tribal skirts and fancy business-wear, but the giant totem that actually registered as art in a recent magazine of 'Worthwhile Artpieces To Be Tortured Next To?'

"So…" Doppelganger sighed as he listened to their story after they went to the chief's hut. "You want me to join your little suicidal crusade to save the people who gladly murdered my original and would do so as many times as possible to farm for legendries, to go against a elite army armed with various weapons of elemental torture, and you expect me to just simply accept the reins of heroes as my only reward?"

"And the loot of the adventure?" Claptrap added on.

"Knowing my luck, I MIGHT get a blue out of it." Doppelganger coughed out. "And maybe a good lot of money. But it's not worth it in the end." He rotated his hand over his face, reminding everyone of the handsome features that once dominated this planet. "I still have the face of the planet's most hated man. These maniacs…"

"The master calls for me!"

"No, it's me! I'm Maniacs!"

"Don't be stupid! He's clearly asking for me, These!"

"Fools! He clearly wanted Face of the planet's most hated man to assist him!"

The Doppelganger sighed before tossing a grenade over his shoulder in the direction of the voices. The cultists praised their great and noble leader as they scrambled over each other on the floor to get their prize. A nice and loud kaboom followed and room went silent. As Doppelganger opened his mouth to continue his little spiel, he closed his mouth, pulled out his pistol and quickly shot down a fourth cultist who's name happened to be MIGHT. "Well then." Doppelganger restarted. "I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can offer me that will convince me to leave behind the one place where I'm allowed to walk freely…"

"Face-lift?" Claptrap spoke up.

"Yeah, I would risk my neck to get that." Doppelganger suddenly shifted tones from bitter to excited. "But there's a problem." He rapped on a shiny marble cheek. A clicking metallic sound resounded. "That's the sound of a multi-wire high-yield thermobaric bomb. If someone attempts to perform plastic surgery after dulling my nerves, it sets off the device with enough explosives to set everything ablaze within ten miles." He stopped and thought for a second. "And I'm pretty sure once the device is triggered, it summons in more explosives to make sure everyone and everything is destroyed within a hundred miles."

"That I can fix." Alpha suddenly piped in. "Sorry, I haven't been in the story all that much." He cleared his throat to get back on track with the actual information. "I have a device in my labs that can nullify any given object. Firearms, explosives, robotic parts, sex toys…anything."

"That's good and all…" Doppelganger shook his head. "But I want my own face. Not my old, boring, and nerdy face, but I want a new and handsome face that won't get me shot when I walk outside to grab my newspaper. Can you do proper plastic surgery?"

"I can't, but my Medi-Doc-Mech can." Alpha picked up the camera and moved it to the side to show off the tubelike machine with multiple tools. "Looks evil, but she makes great cookies. She can operate on you and do whatever changes on you in a room with a active null field."

"Wow!" Claptrap raised his arms and cheered. "You're like a Dues Ex Machina!"

"That's the name of the lab I'm trapped in." Alpha turned the camera back to him so he show off a annoyed shrug of his shoulders. "Yeah. I'll give Nisha a arm, and Not-Jack a new face…body or whatever he wants. All you got to do is to come to my lab and get me out. I'll gladly do whatever you want as long as you bust me out."

"Sunlight too strong for ya?" Doppelganger asked.

"No, look…" Alpha huffed to stop himself, realizing these guys were going to continue the whole 'Alpha is a nerd and won't leave his nerd-dome' routine. "Okay. If you come to my lab, I'll give you whatever you want. Except for Claptrap. Can't do anything for him."

"Aw."

"I'll consider it." Doppelganger stood up. "But if I'm going to risk my life for you guys, it's only far if you stick your neck out just as far." He walked over to his desk and tapped on the big map laying down. "Come here and take a look at this." Claptrap and Nisha joined him an took a look at the map. It showed a schematic of a multi-story factory building. "This is Chekov's Factory, a old Vladof factory that shut down when they realized it was daft to build a factory in the middle of a swamp."

"Everything was melting?"

"No, shipping everything out cost Vladof more than what they got for the guns." Doppelganger shook his head. "They did a crap job of abandoning the place; left all the doors open and any locked doors had keys left in them or somewhere nearby. While not the best place for a business, it fared better for the bandits. Vladof left behind many guns and other stuff in the factory so now the bandits have evolved into a militia."

"And they're bugging you, and you want us to go and kill them off?" Nisha summed up.

"Pretty much." Doppelganger nodded. "So over here…" He traced a invisible line from where his camp laid over to the northside of the factory. "There is a old elevator shaft that can lead us to the factory up-top, but we'll need to be a bit more discreet than the usual run-n-gun we usually do. And it's the only way up there that the bandits have left available, they destroyed the other elevators and stairs." He tapped a small island next to the northside. "There's a generator that powers that side of the mountain, guarded by some of the bandits. We'll need to silently eliminate them and then quickly get to and use the elevator before their comrades realize what happened and send us plummeting down to the ground floor."

"You saying these bandits were smart enough to set up guards at a important place, insure that there's only one way up, and then rig the last way to make sure if someone tries to barge in, they're killed?" Claptrap asked all alarmed.

"Apparently the bandits USED to be your stock bandits." Doppleganger went over to the side of the tent and picked up a book. "You see this?" The book's cover showed off various random nebulas and stars with the title of 'Really Complicated Things For Morons To Understand.' Doppelganger opened the book to a random page before stating: "The factory also had a library that Vladof didn't bother to burn down. The bandits not only learned how to read, but they learned various things that make them superior to these idiots." To demonstrate, Doppelganger threw the book over to a small group of cultists conversing about the dead ones and what they should take from their home. The cultists spotted the book…and promptly opened their mouth to take a bite out of it. "The only reason why I'm staying with these idiots is because they don't want to kill me because of my face and they generally do whatever I demand of them."

"Figures." Nisha groaned. "Right. We go and kill these bastards for ya, and then you'll join us on Claptrap's bucket adventure?"

"Maybe." Doppelganger rejoined them. "I don't want to be living the rest of my days out here. I want a new face, and if I can get one, it's reason enough to leave this place and go on a suicide run." He sighed. "So, now I get to ask you guys questions. The hell you doing at the old Jakobs mansion?"

"We were looking for a swamp boat to go further in to find you." Claptrap explained. "And then we ran into the Drako King and those monsters. Are they working with the bandits located in the factory?"

"I doubt it." Doppelganger reached into a desk drawer and retrieved a file. "So far? The Drako King is some random guy who somehow managed to gain control of some monsters. He mostly keeps to himself at the mansion, but he does have plans of expanding his territory. The only reason why he hasn't with those…Drakos...ugh, such a stupid name…of his is because we could gun them down in these wide-open spaces. They do better in closed-off environments, as you guys know."

"Pleasant." Nisha snorted.

"Right now, our biggest threat is Dementer, the leader of the bandits in the factory. While I hate these guys with a passion, I don't want to leave them alone and unprotected from those monsters."

"That's not your real reason." Nisha grunted out with a laugh.

"Fine, it's because I want back my stuff that Dementer took from me." Doppelganger admitted. "Right." He clapped his hands. "We'll go later today,

Claptrap felt pretty relieved. That was easy! Instead of nearly getting killed by Jack, he would be getting killed by two crazy and violent monsters! That he could handle! And maybe having a second human would make Nisha a bit more tolerable. Of course, the cultists could just turn out to be the same sort of people that worked under Flynt. And Nisha could just turn coat at any time too. And maybe even Not-Jack.

Claptrap figured it would be better to worry about other things in the long run. Time to go and enjoy some ratmuck soup! Not that he could eat it in the first place tho'.


	15. Bought A Map For A Collected Treasure

CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 13:14:43:09

The swamp around the mountain factory smelt like clothes that were run in the washer, but left there for four days to sickly dry up and smell DAD.

Ahem.

The swamp around the mountain factory smelt like clothes that were run in the washer, but left there for four days to sickly dry up and smell. Claptrap's fears of his skin oxidizing and rusting had become a very real reality as the corners of his boxframe started to gain a dark brown color as they proceeded through the musty environment. Doppelganger actually admitted, and even showed, that all of his rust-proofing stuff had long since been depleted by rationing it…and Davis had ate most of it when he couldn't find any glue. At least Doppelganger promised to use the factory's materials to rust-proof Claptrap. At least he made a half-ass promise, that allowed Claptrap to continue on as he could feel his skin getting hard and crusty.

"How much longer?" Nisha grunted as she pulled herself over a rock with her one good hand. "I might start developing a series of allergies the longer we stay here."

"Just a bit more." The Doppelganger affirmed. "We should be coming up to the lift soon. Be ready, these guys actually learned to aim and fire at moving targets." He pulled out his Maliwan Florentine and loaded in a clip.

"Where did you get that?" Nisha asked with a happy little whistle.

"I…" The Doppelganger nervously chuckled. "…got it."

"From…where?" Nisha parodied Doppleganger's pause.

"In a game?"

"…meta or…"

"In-universe. I got it from…playing a game."

"What game?"

"Bbubu &amp; Bbabad."

"Stop muttering."

"…Bunkers &amp; Badasses…"

"…you got a gun…a Seraph…A SERAPH from playing a stupid nerd's game?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Nisha looked so forlorn at hearing that. She continued on, with a meeker walk than before.

The three found themselves coming onto a shred of civilization in the middle of the damned swamp; a series of standing wooden homes that were used by the workers of the factory who couldn't leave the factory grounds without shot by the automatic turrets. As expected, the wood used to build and support the homes was rotten and thin. Despite the group wanting to move onto drier ground, they decided to step around the area to prevent alerting the enemies up ahead.

"There it is." The Doppelganger whispered and pointed far ahead. Claptrap and Nisha spotted the island with a three story-tall hut overlooking the swamp. The bandits had somehow gotten their hands on high-quality wood and intact-slates of various metal to build their tower, along with arming it with chainguns and a missile launcher! Nisha whistled, which got cut off when the Doppelganger smacked her. "If you think that's impressive, wait until you get inside. They got scanners for all the senses…and yeah, I lost ten guys because they whistled at the same damn thing." Nisha coughed and went quiet.

"So, same thing we discussed." The Doppelganger continued to whisper. "We go around these rocks, all quiet and nice-like…" He waved to a few rocks that would hide them from sight and mind. "…I'll place these smoke bombs at the SIDE of the building and lure out the guards." He pulled out the grenades and tapped them together to show how cool he was with dealing with explosives. "Nisha, you take those guys out while me and Claptrap go inside and wipe out everyone else. Once you dump the bodies into the swamp to buy us a little more time, Nisha, you head onto the back and get started on the generator. If we time this right, me and Claptrap should be able to get the elevator going and then we can rush up to the factory properly."

"You want me to drag two bodies with one hand?" Nisha waved with her only arm and attempted to do the wave…oh right, she lost that arm.

"Claptrap would end up propping them up in funny poses." Doppelganger pointed to their mechanical companion.

"Hey, when you end up stranded in a endless tundra surrounded by a unburied graveyard of corpses of a lot of species, you get bored and start to talk to things that can't talk back." Claptrap threw it off before stating, "Man, I wish this rudimentary AI wouldn't be effected by mental diseases! You think that SOME programmer would make sure his robots don't get depression or any other disease, but I guess that SOME programmer thought it would be INVENTIVE and/or CRUEL…"

"You want to give us away?!" The Doppelganger hissed, still keeping his voice low. He had quickly recognized that if he were to raise his voice, they be spotted. Claptrap and Nisha could start to fire off their guns into the sky like rednecks, but it would be his infraction that would cost all of them. "Keep quiet and stick to the plan!"

The former Vault Hunters became like thieves and strode around the rocks towards the island. The swamp became very deep, with Claptrap nearly being completely submerged. He quickly deployed his rubber-ducky floatie and floated with the group, with Nisha and Doppelganger pushing and pulling him along to prevent him from being spotted. The Doppelganger started to question various things…like the fact that the survivors of the scout group mentioned 'big old bright things beaming down, like if God was looking for his dropped contact' and 'four-legged human beings with fur, fangs, and big tall ears'…he wasn't seeing any of that. Did Dementer and her goons take a holiday?

"All right…" He breathed as they came on the side of the building. The Doppelganger reached into his swamp coat and pulled out the smoke bombs. "…cover me in case there's the random patrolling guard." Nisha brought up her sniper rifle and lowered it onto a nearby rock for leverage. Claptrap disengaged the floatie and readied his rifle.

With his back secured, the Doppelganger leapt forward and kept low to the ground as he proceeded to the hut with both of the bombs in his hands. Hopefully there wouldn't be any trouble…

…andassoonashethoughtoutthosewords, something came down and pinned him to the ground. "I thought I told you guys to cover me!" He mumbled out a screech.

"Well, about that…" Claptrap trailed off, as he pointed up. The Doppelganger groaned and followed Claptrap's hand…to look into the face of a man with pale skin and a giant hole in his head. The Doppelganger responded to this by shrieking like a girl who just discovered that all of her clothes were infested with itching powder.

"Nice one, Not-Jack." Nisha laughed out loud as she came over with her rifle on her left shoulder. She swiftly kicked the dead body off the Doppelganger who quickly scurried away. Nisha bent down and examined the corpse. "I ain't no examiner, but this man has been dead for the past couple of days, being in this environment didn't his body all good.." She looked at her onlooking companions. "During my time in Lynchwood, I paid attention to the decay rate of bodies. I wanted to see if were a difference between having a fresh corpse or a decayed one hanging around to discourage people from breaking the law."

"And?" The Doppelganger asked.

"New and fresh corpses lowered crime rate by 25%." Nisha rattled off the fact. "Diseased and boated corpses increased crime…because people were breaking the law about leaving the hanging bodies alone."

Claptrap scooted over to the door and found it ajar. With his rifle still in one hand, he pushed open the door. "Guys?" He called back. "I think someone beat us here."

The three stepped inside of the watchtower and found themselves in a dark bloody room. The bodies of the various bandits running the place were strewn all over the place with telltale giant holes in them. But nothing else was disturbed; the person or people responsible for this slaughter were able to perfectly shoot down the guards without missing a single shot. Nisha looked behind her. The walls behind had a few bullet holes in them…meaning that the guards tried to fight back but didn't stand a chance.

Upstairs continued the story of carnage. More bodies, more blood, more spotless walls and furniture. The three hadn't put away their guns, but kept them low and at their sides in case whoever or whatever responsible for this stuck around.

"This had to be done by a group." Nisha surmised as they reached the room with the chainguns. "Black Ops." She went over to the gun and found the body of two bandits with holes in their heads. "Sniped the ones with a direct outlook of the land around them." She turned and pointed to the three dead guards that lay next to the doorway. "They heard gunfire and ran out to see what happened. By that point, the soldiers who waited at the sides of the buildings went inside and took them by surprise."

"Oh goodie." Claptrap sighed. "Instead of fighting bandits, we get to fight the next best thing! Heavily-armed, armored and well-trained soldiers!"

"This happened a few days ago." The Doppelganger told. "Which means they might had already come and gone…the place is cold and the generator is off."

"Or they wanted to take control of the factory." Nisha stated. "Regardless…we should continue the mission. Probably should grab whatever was stolen from Not-Jack."

"Which he hasn't told us what exactly we are looking for." Claptrap reminded.

"It's a surprise." The Doppleganger coughed with his eyes looking off in a different direction. "Anyway, same plan. Nisha, head out and start the generator while me and Claptrap get the elevator on."

They all went quiet for the next five minutes of the elevator ride up. Even Claptrap didn't unleash a torrent of babbling inquiring into every little detail of the massacre. No alarms, no sudden drops, no gunfire, nothing of anything worth noting. The Doppelganger feared that the elevator would be as far he would have gotten in the normal plan…but hey! They reached the top and there was the entrance!

Now if only he had made a good enough plan AFTER the elevator ride.


	16. Interesting News In A Boring Place

CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 13:14:23:43

The factory smelled…slightly better than the swamp outside. Despite Vladof pulling out years ago, the odorizers still kept running to try and make the damp sock smell more…tolerable. Claptrap noticed two odorizers hanging above the entrance from the elevator, severally rusted all over but still filtering the sweaty air with a faint pine smell. Claptrap saluted the still standing soldiers in the war of odors.

The entrance of factory shared a familiar tale with the generator shack below. Long since-dead bodies littering the floor, dried-out pools of blood…at this point, seeing this level of heartless carnage became like seeing the wind to the three; you don't see it.

Not that the three weren't ready in case one of the bodies would suddenly rise up and attack. Nisha had kept her revolver holstered but kept her only hand on it to quickdraw it at a moment's notice. Doppleganger swung a SMG back and forth lazily and Claptrap wheeled forward with his trusty Jakobs' shotgun ready.

So far, the factory really seemed to be empty. Besides the still-running odorizers, nothing else seemed to be on. As the elevator lead them to the back of the main factory floor, they had to walk past the giant generators, presses, conveyor belts and all of the long-since forgotten machinery. Parts for guns also littered the floor, but they had been laying out so long that they were useless now. Besides, with the amount of cobwebs now covering anything, you wouldn't want to touch it. The colonies of spiders living here are protected by the Pandora Board of Precious Animals Too Expensive To Kill after all.

"Are they all just in one place?" Doppleganger grunted as he stepped over several bodies. "Usually, they're all spread out, making the whole dungeon crawling experience one long gunfight."

"With the occasional pause to loot bodies of course." Nisha muttered as she checked a fallen corpse of a bandit, who going by the armor and spikes, had to be a badass. "Damn, they looted the bodies. Probably had something decent on them…or knowing my luck, a legendary."

"Let's not jinx anything else." Doppleganger gulped as he peeked around a corner to see if any bad guys were waiting for them…and for once, no one, alive at least, wanted to kill them. He motioned for the rest to follow him as turned into the hall and continued.

"So I did a quick scan of the premises." Alpha piped in, for once in a long time actually being useful. "For being a corporate factory built in the middle of a swamp, the material used to build it isn't blocking any of my equipment. That, and I got their blueprints from a quick Googolplex search. Anyway, there are several life signs coming from the middle of the factory…in the office area."

The Doppleganger mulled over the fact with a few bobs of his head. "Hey…" He started. "Could you do a quick check for something else?"

"Yes?"

"…has any of the machinery in the place been active recently?"

Alpha went quiet, and a few quick taps on a keyboard replaced his voice for a bit. He chimed in with, "Yeah…actually, yes. It looks like some sort of press on the opposite side of the building. It's still warm…"

"All right, let's deal with the punks in the office first." Doppelganger interrupted Alpha by quickly advancing in the direction of the office. Claptrap and Nisha raised a eyebrow (Or at least in his own mind for the former) before going over to their new partner into the next room. This room was the main factory line, the largest room in the entire factory. With the even bigger machines and the systems of walkaways, this would be a good place to have a massive firefight.

But nope. No people alive in the entire room. The rats dragging away the fallen stacks of dollars didn't count as living creatures in the eye(s) of the group. A perfect waste of a good room.

When Nisha caught up with the hustling Doppelganger she asked him, "I'm guessing that machine is the thing that was stolen from you?" The Doppelganger ignored her and hurried along further into the factory. Nisha grunted and rushed up to him, "Hey, hey. We got guns, grenades and Claptrap with us. If we go into a fight, which WILL it will happen, all of those could end up severally damaging the machine by accident. So…tell me…what should we not shoot?"

The Doppelganger stopped in his tracks hard, nearly tripping. With a annoyed grunt (But not a d'oh) he turned to face Nisha and Claptrap. "Okay, fine. The item I'm trying to get back is a money-printing press. So please, please…PLEASE don't destroy the giant press that smells like ink and greed. I need it."

"Wow, you're a counterfeiter?" Claptrap asked with a mixture of adult horror and childish amazement. "Wait, why are you still in the swamp if you got the means to have unlimited funds?"

"Well…" The Doppelganger started to nervously rub the back of his head. "Let me start from the beginning…while things are quiet."

"Go ahead." Nisha twirled her hand around to get the ball rolling so they can get to the good part of killing people.

"While hiding out in the swamp, my men discovered what they called a 'green thing covered in green things.' I was horrified at what it could be at first, but I was pleasantly surprised to find a actual printing press. Apparently, during the move to Sanctuary, Marcus lost one of the printing presses he uses to make all the money to get the market going. Not only was it only damaged, but the machine was actually a working prototype that still hadn't perfected the money-making process. So I've been spending all of my free time trying to get the thing working again…and to make sure the money actually looks like money. So far, I made obviously fake bills, Monopoly play money, toilet paper, really smooth yet thick drawing paper, cheese slices…"

"You sure it prints money then?" Claptrap injected with a appropriate question.

"I know it does! I was so close when it got stolen; all I had to was to add the proper numbers to the bottom of the bill." The Doppelganger punched his opposite hand in the palm. "That's my ticket to getting out of here…once I can print off at least ten million, I can ditch those idiots and leave Pandora to start my own pizza delivery chin…chain, I mean chain." The Doppelganger coughed at his Freudian error. "Which is why I need to kill Dementer…hopefully she's still alive."

"But I thought you said Dementer's goons were smart?" Nisha reminded the Doppelganger.

"I don't know much about her." The Doppelganger admitted. "I know she had smart goons…but I don't know what's going on right now. She might have found EVEN smarter goons. I don't know."

"Maybe knowing a bit more about this Dementer lady will help us against her!" Claptrap once more chimed in.

"Didn't I just say…" The Doppelganger sighed but continued. "…all I know is that she used to be a judge in a different galaxy before she went a bit ballistic…by that, I mean she arranged for the murders of not only the criminals she tried, but the jurors, the bailiff, the audience, the janitors, the people who built the courthouse…well, the descendants of the builders anyway. Had this idea called 'feral justice'…the usual survivalist nut, 'survival of the fittest', might makes right, keep a eye on those close to you…and that's all I know." The Doppelganger groaned and pointed forward towards the end of the room. "Now, enough exposition, more action!"

Once more, with his goal in mind, he jumped forward without even a thought towards his surroundings. Nisha and Claptrap went after him, looking around like they were crossing a street. How appropriate of a metaphor it was, for they were crossing the streets of fate…you may assume that's a bit hokey…but that's okay. They were going to cross the actual streets of fate soon.


	17. Right Instincts In Wrong Places

Lilith nervously rolled a tiny marble back and forth on the table, reaching out with her hands to push it back to prevent it form rolling too far. She felt like she was a grounded child again; stuck inside and having only little to do. She got the marble straight from Lillian herself, who called it a gift and told Lilith to expect more in the future. Lilith couldn't tell if Lillian had the hots for her, or was just trying to butter her and the others up.

A quick look around the cafeteria showed such a sad sight. Every captured Vault Hunter just moping about. Gaige still lacked her other arm and her head hung low as she picked at her food, Mordecai leaned against a wall in thought, Maya had buried her head into a book to try and escape (At least mentally) from this horrid reality, Salvador and Axton were discussing plans of escape underneath their breath, and Zer0 was musing in the corner opposite of Mordecai. The only Vault Hunters not present were Krieg, who had been tied down in his cell, and Brick…who had Lilith hadn't heard from in a few hours. The others were being kept in a different side of the building.

Maya turned to notice the nearly-comatose Lilith lose control of her marble. It rolled off the table and bounced off the hard floor with a clank each time it bounced until it rolled along before it hit against a wall and stopped. Maya gently laid down her book and went to go sit down next to her Siren friend. "Lilith…" Maya started before realizing she really had nothing positive to say. So she tried for the next best thing. "…there is a way out. We will find it, and we'll go back home…"

"We can't leave here." Lilith let out with a breath of expired air.

"We can." Maya lightly slapped the table in a attempt to wake Lilith up. "We just need to find the weak spots, as usual. Get the guard's schedules, find where the weapons and armor are and the most vulnerable areas of the base. We find the way around the various measures meant to be keeping us down…"

"We can't leave here." Lilith repeated with a bit more energy. She even turned to face Maya. "The drill will destroy the world. If we need to fight, we need to stay here and take Lillian down before she destroys Pandora."

Maya bit her lip. All of them had gone through far worse things before, so this shouldn't be any different…but destroying the entire base and that drill could be a order too big to serve. With all the counter-measures installed to keep them from fighting back…there would be no chance of them mounting a proper assault on the base from the inside. Escaping would be so much easier, they would just need to smuggle themselves on a transport heading out. Maya not only heard the distinct sound of a hovercraft running, but when she asked her guard, he replied in kind with all the information about the hovercraft bay. Helped that the guard had restraint of an active volcano and spilled the beans when she barely hinted towards the presence of a breast.

Fighting back is the best idea. Fighting forward is the worst idea.

The sound of the double doors being kicked open shook the room and got everyone's attention to stare at the doors. In walked Lukas carrying a limp Brick, who got tossed to the floor like he was a dog treat. Lukas, in a rather odd moment, lightly kicked Brick in his ass before shutting the doors behind him on the way out.

Maya nearly got knocked out of her seat by Lilith rushing over to her friend. The now awake Lilith bent down and lifted Brick up slowly. While the doctors had least cleaned him of any dry blood and patched the back of his neck, a thick red cloth had been tied around his eyes. "Brick, are you…" Lilith gasped as soon as she spotted the blind.

"Nope." Brick groaned. "Not blind. But my eyes burn like the time I poured Mordecai's wine on my eyelid." Neither Lilith or Mordecai made a remark towards that. "Besides that, my vision is like you wake up, your eyes are all foggy like that…but now I can't shake it off." He got up and slowly walked towards the food dispenser. "Let me try to find the thing on my own at first…" He got interrupted when he banged his knee against a chair. "Okay, make sure I'm going straight…" Another interruption as he slammed his shin against another chair. "Put a hand on me to steer me…" Yet another attack on his legs from another evil chair. "Okay." He held up his hands in surrender. "Just drag me."

Not wanting to be useless, and seeing how it had been a while since they last did something, Salvador and Axton got up and helped Brick along his way to the food dispenser. "Easy there, big guy." Axton grunted as, being the taller one here, had a great deal of the weight fall on him. "So, they actually treated you?"

"Yeah, and they were so nice about it." Brick admitted. "No seriously…their bedside manner is better than Zed's. Mostly because they gave me a lollipop after they installed the new pacify-chip in my heart."

Hearing that turned Lilith back into her fallen self. She dragged herself across the room to retrieve her marble before falling back into her seat to once more play with her marble. Maya just looked on to the events transpiring around, her mouth agape. She looked over to Mordecai, who turned his head down to hide the onset of tears.

They had been here only a day.

It didn't take 24 hours to destroy them.

But…Maya gritted her teeth in anger and balled her hand up into a tight fist.

They WILL get out of here. They WILL return here to destroy their enemies. They WILL get any sort of revenge on these monsters before they accomplish their goal.

Maya strode over to Zer0, muttering a haiku under his/her breath. "Zer0." Maya firmly stated to get his/hers attention. "I'm guessing they're blocking your cloaking and hologram program?"

"Tired of being trapped

Annoyance everlasting

Can I get walkies?" Zer0 replied in his usual format.

"I'll take that as a yes." Maya sighed. "Do you know where they placed the implant or whatever in you?" Zer0 reached around and patted the back of his neck. "Okay." She breathed out. "We're going to need something sharp to yank it out…"

"Will require thick blade

Thick as a tall mountainside

I mean me that is."

"Right." Maya puffed. "And given the fact that we aren't even allowed to butter our toast with dull butter knifes…" She looked over to Brick's group, who were watching (At least in Salvador and Axton's case) a machine hand butter toast through a window into the food dispenser's inner working. "You know anything sharp or strong enough?"

Zer0 pointed over to Gaige, still moping about. Maya looked at her, wondering exactly what Zer0 meant. Zero laid his left hand on Maya's shoulder. "Wait." Maya staring asking as she started to think about it. "If we can get Gaige's arm back, she can rip the implant off?" Zer0 merely nodded.

Maya couldn't help but put on a nice smile. A plan was coming together. Might not be much now, but it was one step closer to escaping.


	18. The Eye Of The Eternal Torch

Demeter let out a burp. Mmmh, tasted like the Cajun sandwich she had a hour.

"Excuse me." She quickly coughed out a apology to her soldiers. They nodded and went back to work working on the money-making machine. Demeter watched as the plain white cloth went through the roller, came out as bills (In sequential numbers, having hacked into the planetary mint and made sure to only keep bills that weren't in circulation yet.) and slid down the slope into the baskets that would be collected once they were full.

The burp reminded her that sandwich was really good, and she should have another. She walked over to the nearby fridge. The fridge stuck out from the dismayed ruins of the abandoned factory being white, new, and clean. Demeter gently opened the fridge and reached in. She felt around for another one of the pre-wrapped Papa &amp; Mama's Refined Cajun Turkey Sandwiches and a bottle of Ouch My Head beer. Unlike most modern beer bottles, Ouch My Head beer didn't have a screwtop cap and it required a bottle opener to open. Demeter just flicked it open with two fingers and took a swing before setting the bottle down to unwrap her sandwich.

Demeter didn't want to keep her eyes off the printing press for a second. The new men that she hired? Didn't trust them. They came to her and asked to join her. These obviously trained military men approached a bandit queen and asked to join her. They already had big guns on them, they could have easily killed her right then and there and steal her supplies, but they wanted to join her. Just right after she managed to steal a printing machine.

Not that she wasn't thankful. These men were nearly perfect in the way they handled her orders. If she told them to kill her old soldiers, they did it immediately and effectively. If she told them to fix a printing press, they got down on their knees and repaired it way ahead of what she estimated. Plus, they could read, write, and speak full sentences. The only reason Demeter called them 'nearly perfect' is because she didn't trust them with anything. They seemed to be waiting for the perfect moment for her to turn her back and kill her. They were probably using her to get access to the printing press for whatever reason they had.

Even so, she was still going to use them to the last second. Demeter had the money she wanted to get the inventory she needed to mount a attack on Elpis. With the moon under her control, she could turn it into a mobile base where she could control the tides of Pandora and thus make it easier to rule it. If she lived long enough for that. She figured she could take at least eight guys out before one of them got in that lucky shot that would pin her down.

As she took a huge chomp out of her sandwich, her ears twitched. She shivered. That meant that someone she didn't recognize was getting closer to the room. She called upon her specialized corrosive Veruc rifle and closed her eyes. Demeter took deep and deeper breaths as she felt the auras of the people around her. She passed over the glows of the men working on the machine and the ones taking a break in the opposing room and went over to the auras of the unfamiliar ones. Two humans and one running around on a single wheel. One of the humans seemed familiar.

One of the soldiers approached her, having seen the rifle appear in his boss' hands. "Something up?" He asked.

"The original owner of the press has come back." Demeter sighed. "Stop production and set up a force field around it. But wait until I say go, I want them to see the machine unprotected so they will rush in. We need to make sure no errant blast damages OUR machine." The soldier nodded and barked out some quiet orders to the men to get started on the assault.

"I see it!" The Doppelganger shouted, spotting the machine from down the hall. "My money!" He slobbered, getting all warm and fuzzy like he saw a cute dog on the sidewalk. He ran forward, his gun swaying at his side. Nisha and even Claptrap both yelled for him to stop, both recognizing the obvious sign that hung above the entryway to the room that read out: 'Hey Moron. This is a trap.'

And as expected, a orange forcefield appeared around the machine, which the Doppelganger ran into like a certain coyote and pancake against it, sending him into the floor back-first. Several guns locked, loaded, and lined up red laser sights on him. Claptrap and Nisha hit the far walls for cover.

"Men." Demeter boomed in a loud voice. "Throw two singularity bombs into the hallway. Then throw one MIRV and we should be done."

Nisha took in a sharp intake of breath before running down the hall backwards with her revolver ready for anyone to come after her. Claptrap yelled out something a bit more cowardly but followed suit. It almost became for naught when the combined singularity tried to suck them in, made even worse when the MIRV went off and bounced several grenades in their direction.

"Men." Demeter boomed again. "The prey has moved down the hall. Activate the locks and go in three four-man-groups to hunt them down. I will update you via radio."

"Is she psychic?" Claptrap yelped as a small hum of electrical energy

"Or really just smart." Nisha groaned as she swapped out her gun for a shotgun. "Okay, look. There's no way we can handle those goons like this, if these are the same goons that killed her old team."

"We took on a entire army of soldiers like this before, and ancient guardians!"

"Well, we had legendaries, three other guys, higher levels, and a right arm." Nisha motioned to her missing arm with a snarl. "We don't stand a chance against these guys head-on. We need to get smart…"

"Oooh, that's a tough one."

Nisha couldn't help but let out a little giggle. But she quickly refocused when she heard the stampede of soldiers rushing towards them. "Stay together. No splitting up. If we do get separated, met up back at the entrance." Nisha explained as she got up and started to run down a hall, Claptrap following behind.

"And if…"

"Then escape." Nisha sighed. "You got a mission to do. Go find someone to help out and continue on to rescue the assholes. If you get the time, come back to get me…or avenge me and Not-Jack." Claptrap nearly stopped his panic-stewed escape when his audio receptors caught possibly the first recorded moment of Nisha showing actual concern…compassion? Maybe something a bit too much to consider given their current situation.

Claptrap followed right next to Nisha as the sound of soldiers marching grew louder…


	19. A Kind Chat Over Beer

"Demeter."

"Not-Jack."

The Doppelganger got back up onto his feet and stared straight at his host. She seemed to be amicable despite having uninvited guests. In fact, she only had three armed guards sticking around and pointing their rifles at him instead of having four armed guards sticking around and pointing their rifles at him. He was even allowed to dust himself off and regain his proper balance before a barrel stuck into his back and being ordered to head to a room on the left. Demeter followed shortly behind her.

"Would you care for some tea?" She asked as she went over to a counter with a full china tea set laying in wait. It looked clean and polished, unlike the rest of the building. "All I have is Darjeeling, sorry to say."

"I'm good." The Doppelganger held up his hand as he took his seat. "I'm guessing this is a formal hostage situation?"

"For now." Demeter shrugged as she gently poured a cup for herself. "Perhaps if your men were to surrender, I would be more than happy to let you go…all bundled up in rope and dropped off at the far end of the swamp. Tied up…but alive." She walked over to the table and sat down with her cup, taking a quick sip.

"Wow, you weren't like this when you kicked me around and stole my machine." The Doppelganger whistled. "I don't suppose I can have a little Q &amp; A while we wait for our friends?" Demeter nodded with closed eyes and another sip of her tea. "Let's start with the obvious. Who are the blokes working for you and what happened to your old guard?"

"I replaced them." Demeter breathed out. "These men offered to join me after I took your printing press. They are of course suspect, but they did as I asked; immediately and effectively."

"Ah." The Doppelganger nodded. "So you ordered your new guys to tear down your old fellows? Let me guess…" He jokingly tapped on his chiseled chin in intense thought. "…these guys can read, write, and speak in logical sentences!"

"Bless their old hearts." Demeter spoke with lofty airs. "But despite their gained knowledge in the library, they just didn't match these men." She rotated the tea in the cup. "Of course, they maybe planning on killing me in the future, possibly after I make a great deal of money." She shrugged again before tossing the tea cup over her shoulder, letting the china shatter against the dirty thick wall. "Is it too late to make a alliance?"

"Let me think about it…" The Doppelganger titled his head. "…you had shot at me, you had men shoot at me, you had new men shoot at me…" He paused for a good minute, letting the air around the two become awkward. "No. No thanks."

"Ah." Demeter blinked. "Okay." She got up. "Would you care for a beer? Perhaps a store-brought sandwich will quench your hunger. I imagine a constant diet of swamp creatures being cooked on a weak fire don't do the bowels justice."

"Okay." The Doppelganger held up his hand. "Why are you being this…courteous? We're enemies. Get it? We fight each other with the hope that we kill each other one day and claim the spoils. And then we reload so we can do it all over again and claim more and possibly better rewards."

"Why not?" Demeter got up to go and grab her third lunch. "Must every bandit leader on Pandora be a raging lunatic that spouts nonsense? I try to remain civil-minded while trying to fulfill my bandit quotas." The sound of someone rustling through a fridge could be heard from the next room. Looks like the Doppelganger was supposed to play by the honor system until Demeter returned. The Doppelganger got up from his chair…only to be kindly asked to sit back down by the guard behind him that he completely forgot. "I rather keep people alive that I can still use." Demeter added as she sat down with two beers and a bag of cheesy tortilla chips in hand.

"Let me guess?" The Doppelganger whistled out between his teeth. "You need my help to make the printing press work?" Demeter nodded. "And by doing that, you won't torture me?" Demeter shook her head. "Okay, you won't kill me?" Demeter nodded. "What about my friends?" Demeter took a second and nodded again. "Ah."

"Not too late to agree to the partnership." Demeter flicked off the cap so she can take a good long swing. "I plan on taking control of Elpis. You know, control the moon and turn it into a mobile base capable of controlling the tide on Pandora. You've been there, so you would be a valuable asset. You probably "

"No." Timothy growled. "Absolutely not." Demeter and her guards almost jumped back, but they definitely shook for a second from the quiet yet growing anger coming from their guests. "I will not return to Elpis under any circumstance. What I did there, back then, were not the best of actions that I could have done. I created a disaster, and I kept it going on and on until it ended with one-too-many people all dead and gone forever." His lips quivered as he controlled his anger from doing something rash. "So please. Be. Quiet."

Demeter definitely got shocked by the outburst, but she didn't let it show on her face. "I see." She rolled her head to the side. "Fine. Maybe I can convince Nisha or that stupid machine Claptrap to help me…"

"How did you know their names?" The Doppelganger interrupted. "I didn't give them out, nor have you actually met them before.'

"I guess I should tell you of my special ability." Demeter said after taking a long swing. "I have…strong feelings."

"Here's one." The Doppelganger held up his middle finger.

"I have the ability to sense various invisible elements around me." Demeter continued past another interruption. "That's how I was able to trap you and counter your allies. I heard the whispers of them saying the other's names, that's how I know." She breathed out as she focused on using her ability to check up on her men and the other intruders. A cold draft, coming from a dark area. Ah, the uninvited have gone into the maintenance halls. "Lawrence." She called out into the hallway. A guard walked in. "Mine all the entryways and exits to the maintenance halls. Send in the hoverdrones to finish off the intruders." Lawrence nodded and left.

"Tell me." The Doppelganger let out a long breath of air to regain his old composure. "How did you gain your abilities? Chemical bath? Blessed by some winged being? Born with it? Learnt it from some wise old man on top of a booby-trapped mountain?"

"Actually…" Demeter breathed out as she looked up. "I was going up a booby-trapped mountain to see a wise old man, but I fell off it and landed into a mix of chemicals from a nearby Jakobs factory. And then I got the power."

"Ah." The Doppelganger sighed. Man, they were up shitcreek with this one. A villain with the ability to detect where they are and where they're going to be would be near impossible to beat. Demeter had the smarts to keep at least four steps ahead at all times and she had plenty of armed guards on hand to insure that if she did fall a step behind she would be able to get two ahead in no time flat.

How do you beat a enemy that knows where you are and where you going to be?


	20. Stepping Up To The Plate

Claptrap felt normal. Dark dank place, guys with guns searching for him so they can inflict a world and two moons of pain on him? Most people, maybe even Nisha on a bad day, would feel terrified that they were stuck in this sort of situation. But Claptrap? He lived like this pretty much every single day, even when he lived in Sanctuary.

Now, that didn't mean he was acting brave and leading Nisha around safely. He was still cowardly Claptrap, managing to remain quiet while he and Nisha kept a hairbreadth distance from the patrolling soldiers.

The soldiers were smarter than the usual bandits, as the previous chapters have been stating. They worked in pairs, never looked off in a random direction, kept their guns up and ready, and radioed in reports every few minutes. Nisha would have gladly picked off a few of the soldiers by now if they weren't so properly paranoid. It's like playing Spy in a server of professional players, you're dead the moment you left spawn.

Claptrap and Nisha had been forced into another part of the factory, the eastern side. This part was used for tours back in the day; a obvious hint being all of the dry and hardened wads of gum in each corner of the wing. All of the trashbins were left overstuffed with wrappers, half-eaten snacks, bottles that had opened and had one sip removed before thrown away, barf, smokes of different styles, and dirty diapers. How inconsiderate of the people who abandoned the factory to leave their trashcans full before turning tail.

The old smell was the least of the two's problems. They had gotten cornered by four soldiers, who were getting dangerously close to their position. Nisha and Claptrap had wedged themselves behind one of the fake machines meant for the tour and for employees to sneak into the hollow machines to have sex in. Like any half-decent gamer in a stealth game, Nisha started to become impatient. She felt like she should just forgo sneaking around and go into battle guns blazing. It would be no different than the usual affairs of a Vault Hunter.

Of course, she had only one arm to fire guns with. And her partner is Claptrap…

"We need to rush them and get back to Not-Jack." Nisha grunted under her breath.

"What if they're waiting just for that?" Claptrap asked. "We run out and they pick us off with headshots?"

"I got a good shield." Nisha tapped on the shield attached to her belt. "It should absorb most of the damage and allow me enough time to pick off the goons. And you know…" She flicked Claptrap's eye. "You could help me. You have two arms after all."

"But you know how people are like!" Claptrap pushed Nisha's finger away. "They see a Claptrap, they see a target! If I go out there…"

"You'll be the perfect distraction!" Nisha snapped her fingers before picking up Claptrap and tossing him out into the line of sight of the four goons. The soldiers were quite frankly stunned by the sight of screeching machine skidding across the floor before it a wall and stopped. Stopped moving, not stopped screeching. The soldiers weren't trained to understand what just happened or how to react properly to it. One of them did gain a smart enough idea to raise his gun up to go and shoot it, only to be shot down. Not by a friendly verbally, but by a enemy violently.

Nisha sprang out from her hiding place after cocking the hammer back on her revolver. The enemy she just shot survived the headshot, but his shield had collapsed. Nisha unloaded another bullet at him and the soldier fell down dead. Two other soldiers promptly pulled out their SMGs and started to unload onto Nisha. She ran off to the side, while locking in the next bullet. Nisha got off a second shot before ducking behind another fake machine.

The third soldier who didn't attack Nisha decided to get help. He reached for his radio and called out, "Intruders in Tour Area! Repeat!" He didn't have a chance to repeat as a bullet smacked the radio out of his hand. As he turned around to face the shooter, he got hit by another bullet going right into his shoulder. More bullets slammed into his body as a panicking Claptrap continued to fire his pistol off until the gun reminded him ten times that the gun had been emptied.

With the soldier falling down dead from repeated trauma, the other soldiers turned around and wasted no time…reloading their guns following their attack on Nisha. Claptrap tossed his empty gun at the soldier to his left, who let it fly into his chest and bounce off the shield.

At least this distraction allowed Nisha enough time to get in position and ready three shots to finish off the penultimate soldier. The final soldier pulled out a grenade and tossed it down on the floor, unleashing a column of smoke that billowed out and covered both Nisha and Claptrap. The two 'heroes' heard the fast footsteps of someone running off. "After him!" Nisha cried out as she followed after the footsteps with a gun in hand. "Screw stealth, kill everyone!" Nisha screeched as a sly smile returned to her face.

Claptrap decided to first do the first thing that all players do when they clear a room of enemies, loot the bodies. The guns of the soldiers were a quality higher than the ones that Claptrap had been using, plus he needed to restock on ammo. And the money will help too. The purple SMGs definitely had better stats than his current loadout…save for magazine size. Oh well. Armed with his weapon, Claptrap sprang forward to join Nisha.

The surviving soldier had already called in for backup, with a rocket launcher soldier leading the pack. A big old rocket launcher that could destroy Nisha's shield in one shot and put her in dire straits. Nisha deftly holstered her pistol and retrieved her whip. With the soldier readying up a shot, Nisha cracked her arm and sent the whip lassoing out and latching onto the launcher. With a good firm yank on her trusty weapon, she pulled back and got the launcher to land in her hands.

Not bad for someone that hadn't used that weapon in a long time.

"Best start running." She wisely advised the soldier she just stole from. Instead of doing the smart thing of dashing out of the way of the woman who was pointing a high-yield Torque Rocket Launcher at him, the soldier pulled out his knife and went right towards Nisha. Not wanting to waste a shot (Nor did she want to smack herself with the face with her own rocket), she butted the approaching enemy with the launcher. A nice crack of a snapped jaw made Nisha giggle like a schoolgirl who just posted some nude pics of a girl she didn't like. (Which Nisha did all the time during her school days, in case you forgot she's EVIL.)

The other soldiers took the right idea of moving away from the crazy lady armed with the dangerous rocket launcher. Nisha found herself actually enjoying this little adventure. She turned towards two soldiers who gotten themselves over a small makeshift barrier of a bench, two iron boxes, four steel barrels (That were grey, so they weren't explosive.) and a giant stuffed frog that once served as the mascot to the factory, but after it became a choking hazard for all children (As proved by a mother who demonstrated on live-TV by jamming the giant plushie down her child's throat) it fell into obscurity. Nisha hollered out a chortle as she fired a missile towards the barricade, eliminating it and the soldiers at once.

Two more shots remained in the launcher. So Nisha turned towards the next cover and blew it to ash, along with any poor sap that stood nearby. The approaching footsteps of someone big and heavy caught her ears and she wasted no time firing a rocket towards the big guy. But instead of a factory-shattering kaboom, and there was supposed to be a factory-shattering kaboom, the sound of crushing metal as it hits against metal echoed. When Nisha properly turned, she noticed a Goliath-sized brute crunching the missile with one hand.

"Dave don't play with toys!" The brute squeaked out as he tossed the missile aside, where it blew up…in front of three soldiers. Oh well, at least there was less enemies to deal with.

But still…

"You stole my kills!" Nisha screamed out as she pulled out her revolver.

"Dave professional kill stealer!" Dave screeched as he charged right into Nisha, bowling her down to the ground and knocking her gun out of her hand. Dave scooped Nisha up with one hand and tossed her into a wall. Her shield shattered from the impact and cracked her shoulder, at least the shoulder leading to the missing arm. Nisha spat out a wad of pink spit as she rose back up. "Dave will make soup out of one-armed lady!"

"You're a terrible chief." Nisha commented on as she got backup with her whip in hand.

Dave pulled out two giant meat cleavers and tossed them up in the air before catching them as they fell down. "Dave best cook-man in the history of chiefdom!" He proclaimed as he charged forward, stabbing outward with his steely knives so he could kill the beast in front of him.

Nisha crackled her whip, hoping to catch one of the knifes out of Dave's hands. But for a big guy, he had the agility of a ninja. (Not a cybernetic ninja, just a regular old white-trash movie ninja) He completely dodged the attack, and lashed out with both knives. Nisha rolled out of the way and followed up with another crack. The whip smacked against Dave's left knee, which only made Dave buckle his knee for a single second. Dave retaliated with spinning around with his blades outward. Nisha ran back, kicking over a half-destroyed barrel at her enemy. One of the knives rammed into the barrel and knocked into a wall, where it shattered into pieces.

Nisha quickly took in her surroundings. All the areas where the rockets landed had left behind a big pile of fire and a lot of debris. Nisha figured she could try to lure Dave into the fires and let him burn. So she ran towards the nearest fire and stepped right in front of it. Dave followed her with a powerful shoulder charge. Perfect. Nisha rolled out of the way as Dave ran into the fire…and acted like this was a usual thing; standing in the still-burning spot of napalm fire. "Dave likes it hot!"

"Then freeze!" Claptrap squeaked out as he jumped forward and slammed down onto the ground, unleashing a cryo wave that ate Dave up. This made the giant man actually jump back and slow down a bit as shards of frosts started to grow all over his body. He started to shake off the ice but this distracted him for too long. Nisha and Claptrap unloaded their guns into Dave, staggering him back. Claptrap pulled out his trusty shotgun and fired off two quick shots in the vicinity of Dave's face.

"Dave taking a nap!" He announced as he fell down…presumably dead. Not many named people have died so far in this story. Nisha panted as injected a health vial into her injured shoulder. She could feel the rush of restorative energy flowing through her and patching up the injured bone and muscle.

"What took you so long?" She grunted as she rolled her shoulder for good measure. "You got lost? In the single hallway? The long and straight single hallway?"

"Someone tripped me." Claptrap explained as he started to reload his weapons. "For some reason, they decided to throw a burning frog plushie at me."

"Must been the only thing on hand." Nisha commented on. "We need to go and rescue Not-Jack. If we hit them hard and fast, it should thrown off the creepy lady's power, or keep her off our trails for a bit."

"We got this!" Claptrap chirped as he jumped up and down like a cheerleader. "We got this!"

"Don't get cocky, these guys would love for us to do something stupid." Nisha groaned as she ran forward to go and continue the mission. Claptrap gave a battlecry worth of Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir Launcelot and charged in after her.

And Demeter sighed. She already figured everything out.


End file.
